Hopeless (Petekey)

1- Almost Out Of Hope

My life sucks. Seriously, it's unfair. Everyone around me couldn't be happier and I'm just sitting here, alone might I add. It's Sunday night and I'm watching my older brother and our friends just goofing around in the living room and having a great time. I grab a glass from the cupboard and fill it up with the tap, only to resume my position leaning against the kitchen island and longingly looking at Gerard having the time of his life in the opposite room.

Gerard is on the couch next to Ray while they play Mario Kart, with Frank sitting on the floor in between Gerard's legs. Frank and Gee have been dating for 5 months now although they've known each other for 3 years. They just look so complete when they are together and I hope I find that someday. It's pretty unlikely at the moment though. Who would want to date a loser like me? I'm the least interesting and least talented person you'll ever meet. I'm next to useless.

"Mikey? You okay? You look kinda, um... sad?" The sound of Frank's voice brought me out of my trance.

"What? Oh yeah, I'm fine!" I answer with a fake smile. I'm guessing it was pretty believable because Frank gave a slight nod and smiled back.

"Do you know where I can find some chips because Gee is starting to get hungry and we both know he can get pretty intense when he has an empty stomach," Frank asked still smiling. I laughed and nodded in agreement. Gerard can get pretty aggressive when he's hungry, let's just say the boy likes his food.

"Yeah, they are just in the pantry on the left side, you can't miss them."

"Frankie! Hurry up with the food or you won't get your special reward later tonight, and I'm sure you won't want to miss out on it!" Gerard called from the living room, adding a small wink in Frank's direction and making me gag.

"Thanks, Mikey," Frank spoke in a very quiet voice, his cheeks blushing a very soft pink colour. He quickly rushed to the pantry and grabbed a packet of chips, returning to Gerard to ensure he gets his 'special reward' later. God, I really did not need to know that.

I sigh audibly, a sigh that just means I've lost all hope. All hope in myself. When I was younger I used to dream about high school. Being popular, going to parties, having someone to call my own. You know? All the normal high school things. I could have been the person I used to dream I'd be if I hadn't been diagnosed with depression after the death of my grandmother. It's not like people are attracted to sadness, in a romantic way or not. People want what's best for themselves and that means not wasting their time on losers like me. As the very last bit of hope fades from my mind, I make my way upstairs and into my bedroom without another word.

-

I wake up the next morning feeling like death itself. All I feel is despair for the day ahead. I get up from my bed reluctantly, still a little bit sleepy but then I remember there's coffee waiting for me downstairs. I love coffee. It's one of the few bright things in my life. I check my phone and it's 6:36 am, perfect timing as usual. I then make my way downstairs and start to boil the kettle, ready for the strong scent and the scorching hot liquid to burn my throat on the way down, supplying me with all the energy I need. It's my only source anyway. I retrieve my favourite mug from the cupboard and turn around to see Frank standing there in his boxers and nothing else.

"Hey, Frank... Care to explain?" I asked Frank cautiously, a little bit scared for the answer.

"Nothing much to explain really. I slept over last night because I was promised a special reward and let me tell you it was absolutely amaz- hey is that hot chocolate?" He squealed with delight as he spotted hot chocolate powder in the pantry. He got it down, with the help of a stool of course, and started making his drink. He's not much of a fan of coffee, too bitter or some shit like that. It is a good thing though because there is barely enough coffee in the house for two boys who have five cups a day, and if Frank had coffee every time he was over then there would be some problems, to say the least. He practically lives here.

"Okay, well that's too much information..." I mumbled loud enough for Frank to hear but he was probably too excited to fulfil his hot chocolate addiction to be listening. Once I had finished making my coffee, I guzzled it down in a matter of seconds and I raced up the stairs as soon as I placed my mug on the benchtop. I went to my closet and dug through the millions of dirty t-shirts until I found something presentable to wear to school. In the end, I was left with my favourite Smashing Pumpkins t-shirt which was black but it's so worn that it is now a dark shade of grey, my classic black skinny jeans and some black converse. I lightly straightened my blonde hair, just so it is perfectly straight, before heading downstairs and seeing Frank and Gerard making out in the kitchen.

"You guys aren't the only ones living here you know," I state, startling the two boys in the kitchen, Frank still in his boxers and Gerard fully ready for school.

"Frank, baby, you need to get ready, we are leaving as soon as I've finished my coffee," Gerard informed his boyfriend. Frank nodded in return and raced upstairs to go get ready as quick as possible. Gerard grabbed his coffee from the bench next to him and he resumed drinking from it, as he ran his hand back through his bright red hair.

"Hey Gee, can I talk to you about something?"

"Of course, what about?" He questioned with a gentle smile.

"Do you think I'll be a loner forever? Like, do you think I will find something similar to what you have with Frank?" I asked him.

"Mikes, are you serious? I know you say that you are useless or whatever but you are really not. You are one of the most caring people I know. Whatever the issue, if someone you care about is sad, you will not leave them until they are feeling better. You are super helpful too. Someone asks for help and you are right by their side in a matter of seconds. You are honestly so talented even if you say you're not. I mean have you heard you playing the bass? I know for a fact your grades are really high too, better than mine. You have awesome taste in comics, movies and music too. Most importantly you have such a strong heart. Even though you are hurting, you help your friends when they need it, while still doing the best job you can at looking after yourself. Of course you will find someone out there who appreciates how amazing you are." Gerard assured.

"You always know how to cheer me up," I say with a small smile on my lips. He finishes his coffee and walks over to hug me.

"That's my job," he chuckles with his arms wrapped around me. I hug back tightly, feeling oddly happy. Frank then walks downstairs and Gerard and I let go of each other.

"You guys ready?" Frank asks. Gerard nods and turns his head to me.

"Fuckin' ready," I respond while smiling a little bit. Gerard takes Frank's hand and they walk out the front door and I follow behind them, shutting and locking the door while Frank and Gee get in the car. Once I had finished locking up I walk out to Gerard's car and slide into the back seat.

I have a good feeling about today.