Lightning Does Strike Twice

It Felt So Real

We left the gardens with an idea of where we were going with our relationship. It was something we wanted to fight for, no matter what problems we would be facing by doing so. But standing in Cas's bedroom after all these years made me rethink everything. It felt too real, too soon. How did I think I was ready for this? How did we think this could work? There was so much standing in our way. I couldn't-

"Dean?" Cas asked quietly. I hadn't moved from the doorway. Taking a breath, I went to sit next to him on his bed. "Is everything okay?"

"Just thinking." It wasn't a lie. I just couldn't tell him I was having second thoughts. Not until I saw where this was going.

"Are you hungry? It's almost one, and we haven't eaten." I nodded. "Okay, I'll be right back."

In the time it took Cas to make a few sandwiches, I panic texted my sister. I summed up everything that had happened since we last talked. It didn't take long for her to answer.

From Jo:
I swear if you mess this up again because you're overthinking everything I'm going to kill you. You obviously want this again so stop worrying and just be happy for once in your damn life. Dont make me come to Northam to smack some sense in you

Cas came in with two plates before I could text her back. "What are you smiling about?"

"Oh, just Jo." I shook my head. "She's being dumb." Cas handed me a plate then settled beside me. "Thanks," I mumbled.

"So you've heard all about me. What's happened since graduation?"

"Nothing interesting." He gave me a pointed look until I laughed and started talking. And I told him everything. From school to my family to Lisa. The only time he stopped me was when I brought up my research.

"You're studying stability in paratas? Why?"

I blushed, hesitant to tell the truth. That's what I told him, though. "I wanted to find a cure for you. And, uh, my team is researching a hospital with a few unstable patients. Your hospital."

"So-"

"You're one of our subjects."

Cas backed away from me, quickly putting as much distance between us as possible. "You've been studying me all this time? Am I just some lab rat for you to experiment on? Is that what this is? Just some new variable for you to test on me? That's just cruel. Are you just going to go home to Lisa and tell her-"

"Stop!" He pursed his lips in annoyance but stopped talking. Moving closer to him, I reached out to touch his cheek. "We just got all of your information yesterday. All the names and most of the personal information is censored before we get anything. If I didn't know you, I would have never known it was you." I took his hands. "This isn't for an experiment. I just want to be with you again. I love you, Cas. I would never betray you for my research, even though you're the reason I started studying biology. That research means nothing compared to you. I just wanted to tell you because I haven't given up on you, and with your test results and recovery notes, we'll be so much closer to a cure. But if you don't want to be a part of this, I can send you information back tomorrow."

"No. Sorry, I was just scared. It's been so long and- Keep going with the research. Find a cure in case this recovery is temporary."

"It won't be." I had no evidence to support that, but it felt right. There was so much uncertainty in that moment, but there were two things I was sure of. Cas wasn't going to lose his memories again, and we were terrified to take this any further. That had to change before we could be together again. We couldn't be afraid anymore. "I don't know how this will work with us. Between college and your appointments and just life in general, I don't know how we can do this. But, Cas," I told him as I took his hands, "I love you, and I'm willing to do whatever you need. I want to be with you, however I can."