Lightning Does Strike Twice

Exactly Like This

I don't know how long I was awake, but I couldn't get up. Cas had rolled onto me in the middle of the night, head on my shoulder and leg on top of mine. His ankle bracelet was digging into my leg, but he just looked so peaceful, and I wanted him to get his rest. All night he'd been writing, and even though his nightmares were so infrequent now, I still worried. It'd been almost two months since I last woke up to one of Cas's nightmares, but I could still remember the first time he screamed until he realized he was safe from Azazel.

Cas's hand stretched out a little, searching for mine like he did every morning. Ever since his memory started to slip back in September, we fell into little routines to ground him. Cas didn't like to wake up without me, and he would trace my scars when he was overwhelmed, and we talked about old memories over dinner.

I laced my fingers with his. He didn't open his eyes or seem like he was getting up in any way. I wasn't protesting. I had the day off, so I was happy to spend my Saturday exactly like this. "Do you have to work today?" I asked, smoothing down his hair. It didn't matter how much time had passed; Cas still woke up with the worst bedhead.

"I sent in my piece last night. You're off too, right?"

"Yeah. I took off all week for exams. No one really questioned why I needed the weekend after exams off, but I'm not complaining."

Cas looked up at me, not squinting and much as I thought he would. "Since neither of us have anything to do..."

"I don't really feel like doing anything. I'm perfectly fine staying exactly like this all day."

Cas smiled, burying his face in my shoulder and tightening his arms around my waist. "Funny. That's what I had in mind too." Our conversation drifted in and out of silence, taking the form of whatever topics came to mind. It was normal up until Cas sighed. "I didn't think this would ever happen."

"What do you mean?"

Particles floated through the air in the slits of light coming from the window. A corner was touching Cas's face, and I got lost in how beautiful he was. In the time that Cas lived with me, he looked healthier, more alive. He wasn't as skinny as he was when he showed up on my doorstep, and the dark circles under his eyes had almost disappeared. Finally, Cas was taking care of himself again. "Even in high school, part of me never thought I'd be able to wake up with you beside me. I never thought I'd be this happy. I guess I figured you'd get tired of me at some point and would move on. I just can't believe you're still with me, after everything." He propped himself up so that he was looking down at me. "I'm just so happy to have something stable and permanent in my life."

That was the first time Cas brought up our future. During our whole relationship, he always wanted to live in the moment and not worry about tomorrow. Now he was talking about us being permanent. I sat up, just trying to put my racing thoughts into coherent sentences.

Cas's posture quickly changed to mimic my own. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything; I got caught up and ruined our moment. Just forget I said anything."

I slid my ring off my finger and put it in Cas's palm. He immediately paled, and I could see the panic rising in him. "Dean, don't-"

I closed his fingers around the ring, smiling. "I don't want to forget. From the second I saw you, I wanted to be with you. I wanted to kiss you and hold you in my arms and love you. And then I started falling for you, and I realized that I wanted so much more than that." I squeezed his hand. "I wanted you. For the rest of my life. Until the very end, right?"

Cas put the ring back on my hand, leaning in to kiss me. "I don't think you can get rid of me if you tried," he laughed. His lips met mine, and I pulled him into my lap. Cas started giggling, halfheartedly protesting, "Dean."

I trailed kisses down his jaw and neck, only stopping at his collarbone when I moved to his ear. "I love you," I whispered.

He pressed his hands to my face and kissed me. "I love you too. I think more than you'll ever know."

"Probably more than you should."

"That's not possible."

The thought came out of my mouth between kisses without really thinking about it. "Let's move." But once I said it, I knew it was the right thing.

Cas stopped to stare at me. "What?"

"Let's move somewhere far away. You told me that you wanted to live somewhere no one knew you. So let's do it. We've joked about it before, but I'm not joking now." And I wasn't.

"But- You have school, Dean."

I let my hands clasp behind his back. "Graduation is just a few weeks away, and then we can go wherever we want." I smiled at him. "Just like we talked about. We can start over. Castiel." I kissed his shoulder. "You know you want to." Again. "You know you want to live away from all this judgement." I made my way back up his jaw, peppering every surface of his skin with kisses. "I don't want to be John and Mary's son, and you don't want to be the boy who was under Azazel's control. So let's be someone else," I whispered, meeting his eyes.

Cas tilted his head to the side as I went back to kissing him. "This isn't fair," he groaned. "Where would we even go?"

I already had his answer. "The debilis world."

Cas pushed me away, almost falling out of my lap. He would've if my arms wouldn't have been around him. "You can't be serious."

"I am," I assured him. "I've given this a lot of thought, and I think this is the best option for us. We could move wherever you want; it doesn't even have to be in the US. You won't have to feel guilty about not having your powers, and we'll both get to live our lives in peace. Doesn't that sound nice?"

He avoidedmy question. "What about you? You've spent all these years working for your degree; you can't throw all that away. You were so excited to get a job and do more research. Isn't that what you wanted?"

I put my hand to his cheek. "I'll figure out something lab related wherever we end up. My life will be the same if I'm helping paratas or debilis. My life won't be the same, though, if you're not happy. That's what I worked for all these years. What I wanted was you." I gave him a gentle smile. "Nothing is more important than you, Castiel."

I thought I said something wrong, judging by the tears pooling in his eyes. I was about to take back what I could without lying about what I meant, but Cas threw his arms around my neck. "I love you so much."

And that made everything worth it.