friends //cody bellinger

forty

"Emberly, are you up?" A rugged looking Chris cracks open my door and asks.

I'm up, but only because I was never asleep. My mind was racing with way too many things to even try sleep.

I sit up and sigh, "You can't get back to taking care of me that quickly, Christopher," I say, my dark eyes meeting his tired ones. "You need to grieve too."

He looks at me and lets out a small chuckle. "The world doesn't stop spinning just because you're stuck in slow motion, Em. I promised Cody that I'd take care of you while he's gone, and I'm not going to break a promise just because I'm hurting a little."

He hands me the clothes I laid out last night and rustles the top of my messy hair. "Get ready quickly so we can stop and get some breakfast before we have to go in."

I nod and force myself out of bed, hating to leave the warmth because it's the only thing that's almost been able to replicate what it's like to fall asleep in Cody's arms.

Chris exits so that I can change, and I do so, making sure I look somewhat presentable because cameras are always on me, and I want to make good impressions on Cody's behalf.

I slip on a dark blue dress that's somewhat flowy. My hair is pinned straight down my back, and my face is bare. I pick up my engagement ring from the bedside table - I don't wear it to sleep because the edges of the diamonds get caught in the stitches of the sheets or tangled with my hair - and after taking off the rubber-like band I wear when I don't have my ring on, I slip it back onto my finger.

It's gorgeous, it really is, but that's not why I said yes. I said yes because I love that man with every last piece of me, and I don't just love him because I think he fixed me, because honestly, I did that myself. I love him because he saw in me what others didn't, something not even I knew I had - potential to live a better life.

He helped me get back on my feet - falling in love with him was just a special bonus.

The man who taught me how to love others was also the person who taught me how to love myself.

Our passion is so unique, and I wish there were an easier way to show the world how special it is.

I take a breath and walk out of our room.

"You ready?" Chris asks once I walk into the living room.

He looks nice - his outfit consisting of sleek grey slacks and a nicely ironed black button down, all topped off with him actually slicking his hair back for once- but it doesn't distract from the fact that his eyes are puffy and bloodshot, and his nose is still stuffy from the crying he had stayed up to do.

I nod, "I am, but are you sure that you are?"

He breaks eye contact, and I know him well enough to know that that means he's not. He'll say he is though, but he won't fool either of us.

He forces a small smile, "I'll be fine Em, I promise. Ash will be back, and she and I will pick up right where we left off once she is."

"Two years is a long time, Chris," I say, even though I'm contradicting everything I've previously said it him about his and Ashli's situation. It's all so different when I put Cody in Ashli's position. In a way though, it's almost worse when I do that.

Cody could be out tonight, but there's also a chance he'll stay in for twenty years.

For my own selfish reasons, I was hoping Chris would freak out about the time just so that he'll have the experience to help me through it in the chance that Cody does end up convicted.

"Are you ready Emberly?" He asks, ignoring my remark completely.

I nod, accepting the fact that this is a conversation he didn't want to be having right now and following him out the door.

We climb into his car and drive down the street to the coffee shop drive-thru. We order our usuals and sit under a shaded parking spot while we eat and drink our breakfast.

"Are you freaked out?" Chris asks, a small piece of croissant hanging from his lip. "You know, about Chase and Victoria taking the stand before Cody."

I set my iced coffee back into the cupholder, "I can ask you the same thing. We're both equally involved with them."

"Yeah yeah, but I know you Em, and I know that you're a lot more nervous for this than I am."

He's right. On the inside, my stomach's doing front flips, and I can barely hold my blueberry muffin down. However, Chase and Victoria are convicted could really help change the course of Cody's trial.

"There's too much evidence against them for them not to be proven guilty," I speak, "I'm not worried about what the outcome will be; I'm more nervous for what Chase is going to say while he's at the stand."

"He can't say anything worse than what Roberto did."

I nod because Chris has a point. Roberto used my own texts to ridicule me and put me down. He knows what he's doing; it just sucks that he has to do it in the defense of a middle-aged man and against a teenage girl.

"He tried to tell everyone I was pregnant with Cole's kid," I say quietly, more to myself than to Chris. "He told everyone that I thought I was pregnant - that I would've been a teen mother."

I feel a sizeable and comforting hand on my shoulder, and I turn, my eyes meeting his bright blue ones. "Every couple has some pregnancy scares now and then. And even if those tests weren't just false positives and you were pregnant, I hope that you wouldn't dub yourself as being low just because you'd be a teen mom, Emberly. Whenever the time comes, whether it's tomorrow or ten years from now, you and Cody will be great parents and the age that you two are when that baby Chris (named after his uncle of course) is born won't even matter."

I sigh, and Chris keeps speaking, "Roberto calling out you and Cody's little pregnancy scare should not make you feel ashamed. If anything, he should be rueful since he's the one trying to belittle a teenage girl."

"I keep telling myself that this is going to work itself out," I admit quietly, "That God has a plan and I just have to keep hold of my faith in that plan because that's what Cody told me, but it's getting so hard."

"No relationship worth keeping is going to come easy Em. Take Ashli and me for example. We haven't been together that long, and it would have been so much easier just to call it quits, but instead, we're waiting it out because we know that us together makes so much more sense than us with other people. Love's crazy like that Em, but it's something that I know you're strong and mature enough to handle."

My lips turn to the smallest smile. Chris is the best person to turn to when it comes to these kinds of speeches.

I know that this process won't be clear - in fact, it'll probably be the most challenging thing I've ever done and will ever do - but Cody and I are special. Our relationship is one of a kind. It will persevere.