I Wish You Liked Boys // cashton

chapter three

Calum clung to his shirt, his body doubled over the porcelain toilet bowl as he felt tears streaming down his face. He can feel the ripping and tearing as his body gave way to something that should have never been there in the first place. He can feel the dull ache scream into a flaring pain that almost felt like fire in his lungs, hear wrapped around his heart.

He gasped brokenly, his face scrunching up in pain as he pulled his shirt. He didn't know what ruining his two hundred dollar top would do, but he just needed to hold on to something as roots and stems dug deep into his system. He tried swallowing down the feeling if flowers in his throat but each time he tries it's futile. They're there, and they're not going away anytime soon.

He heard a knock on the door and he his his face away into his arm as he heard his friend's voice. "Calum?" He heard and he shook his head.

His words were hoarse, almost gone and just barely there. A whisper of his usually strong voice. "Go away."

"Have you been to the florist by any chance?" His best friend asked and Calum looked at the toilet bowl full of pink tinted water and flower petals. "I'm finding flower petals literally everywhere and I know it's not any of us. I haven't bought any, Crystal hasn't been given any, and Lilah is allergic."

Calum panicked.

Who else was always on their bus? Who else liked flowers and other vintage things? Who could he name so the spotlight wasn't on him?

He let out a breath of relief as a name came to his head.

"Maybe Andy?" He suggested. "He likes flowers. They're good for photos."

"Yeah, maybe." Luke agreed and then cleared his throat. "Anyways, I have to piss. Mind uh... hurrying up in there?"

"Yeah, yeah," he agreed as he flushed the toilet. He pushed himself up, his grip slipping and his arm hitting the side of the toilet harshly. "F-Fuck." He gasped, his body feeling weaker than usual.

He stood up on his feet a little too quickly and he held on to the counter as he tried waiting for the dizzy world to come back to him in something that made sense. He took a deep breath and then reached for the doorknob, finding Luke doing the potty dance only a foot away. He grinned sheepishly before walking in right behind him, immediately shutting the door and locking it.

He must really have to go.

Calum stumbled back to his bunk and then shifted as he heard what sounded like paper crunching beneath his weight. He picked it up and then opened the folded page, which looked to be ripped from some sort of notebook. He ran his finger over the edge that was very clearly cut in a rush, and then eyes the words that looked to be written in a scribbled rush as well.

"I know." It read.

Ominous. It was so simple, yet it lit up so many red lights in his head.

Calum was panicking, though a part of him told him it was probably some sick prank from one of his band mates. With all the scary movies they've been watching, one of them was bound to want to play a prank, and why not pick the one who's been distant? Why not pick the one who's not expecting it? He was such an obvious candidate for a suck prank.

But what if someone knew? What if they knew he loved Ashton in a different way than he did Luke and Michael? Who would know? Who paid that much attention?

He suddenly rubbed his head as he snickered at himself. How could anyone know? This disease is supposed to be fake. Who would assume he has some kind of 'made up' illness where plants grow in his body? Who could possibly have guessed that?

He crumbled it up and then tossed the paper on the floor, deciding to deal with it later. There was no need in worrying, he's sure no one knew why he was hurting or distant.

He needed some pain killers though, but would they even help? Can he get a prescription for flowers growing inside of him? Probably not.

Fuck.

He heard his friends laugh and scream over the movie and he turned in their direction as he saw the door open. Michael was walking back in there to join the others, and he smiled sadly as he caught a glimpse of long brunette hair beside Ashton with her hair on his shoulder and his arm around hers.

If he closed his eyes, he could feel the weight of his arm across his own shoulders. He can smell the cologne on his sweater. He can hear the pattern of his breath as he laughed himself into empty lungs. He could imagine how Ashton felt cuddled up to him beneath some cheap throw blanket, squished on a couch half their size, and sharing a bag of popcorn between them.

He wishes his girlfriend wasn't here today. He wants to be the one Ashton's holding on to right now.

Plus, he kind of feels like a seventh wheel now. His best friends all had their girlfriends and all he had was the flowers in his lungs and a blanket that wasn't his. He thinks it's Luke's, but he doesn't know or care anymore.

He wants to fall asleep before he's reminded that Ashton would never love him back, before he begins coughing up enough petals for a wedding ceremony, and before he begins to cry again.