I Wish You Liked Boys // cashton

chapter eleven

He fluttered his eyes open slowly, his eyelids feeling heavy and his body like rock. His breath was labored, and if he was still enough, maybe he could feel his skin push and stretch around the unwelcomed visitors inside him. He craned his neck, but discovered a sharp pain swimming it's way through his spinal chord and around his neck.

"Calum?"

He hummed.

"He's awake!"

He heard a thundering of footsteps and he turned his head to face the wall of his bunk. It was cold, and it made tears fill his eyes because he can't even look at his friends without hurting, but he had to. He was there, and even imagining him standing right to the left of his bunk felt like fire in his veins.

"Why didn't you tell us you were sick?" He heard Michael's shaky voice ask and he swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Because I'm not." He answered, his jaw stiff and aching. "I'm not sick."

"Cal-Cal, you're dying." He emphasized. "Do you know what that means?"

"Mike, -"

"- no, no let me finish, Ashton." He cut the eldest friend off. "It means we can't tour anymore because half of our stage will be empty since you are irreplaceable. It means you can't have the family you've always wanted and with a white picket-fenced house. It means your-your mother can't hear your voice before she goes to bed because you're timezones ahead and your sister has to sit in a studio and think... think about how she can't tell you about her new song. It means you're gone, Calum."

He was crying. Tears were falling from his eyes down his face as he bit down into his bottom lip to keep from making any noise. Blinking didn't help either. They only fell faster, and he only felt worse.

"It means we lose our best friend, our band mate, our brother. Don't you get it? Don't you get that-that we can't lose you?" He pushed and there was a long pause.

"It's not his fault." Luke told him and Calum sucked in a deep breath. "He can't stop it now."

"How can we save him?"

The butterflies that once flew in his gut in a child-like innocence now felt like needles stabbing into him, and he gasped in pain.

"Cal?" Luke asked and he felt a hand on his arm. "Can I tell him?"

He nodded.

"Michael and I can't do anything." Luke spoke and Calum squeezed his eyes shut. "Only you can?"

He whispered, but it still sounded like a scream as it bounced through his head like bells. "What?"

Luke sighed. "He loves you, Ashton. Not as a friend, or a brother, but the way you love Delilah. In fact, because you love her, he's hurting."

"I-I don't understand."

"This disease forms when your love is unrequited. Flowers are growing in his chest, and he chose to deal with it because he didn't want to take the surgery and forget about you." Luke continued to explain to him. "He'd rather die than forget about you."

"How long?" Michael asked. "How long have you known this and not told us?"

"I thought he'd be smart enough to not just roll over and die." Luke defended himself and Calum felt the bed dip.

"You're in love with me?"

He nodded pathetically despite the ache in his bones. "I have always been." He whispered back as he let out a shaky breath. "Could you please maybe love me b-ba-ack-"

He curled into a ball as he felt the heat of something burning into him and immediately it was replaced with a dull ache. "Don't touch him. You'll only hurt him." Luke hissed and Calum buried his face into his pillow.

"I don't wanna die." He cried softly as he felt cold. "I don't, but... but I never would have gotten that surgery."

"Why not?"

He was crying too. He was begging with a voice of desperation and need. It only doubled Calum's pain to know the love of his life was hurting too.

"I'd die a million times before I ever forgot about you." He replied as he felt a towel on the back of his neck.

"Why me?"

"I don't know." He answered honestly. "I woke up one morning and decided I-I couldn't live without you, I guess. And-And I know that you don't like boys, and that night meant nothing to you, so I was always doomed."

"What night?" Michael asked. "Was that the fight?"

"It wasn't a fight, was it?" Luke asked and it was quiet. "No... you two... you... -"

"We went to a party, and we drank a lot. Then my hotel room..."

Calum twitched, his fingers digging into his mattress as he heaved heavily.

"So you cheated on your girlfriend and used him for a gay experience?" Luke asked and Calum felt his heart throb in pain as his biggest hope he held came burning into the air.

Of course it meant nothing to him. If it did, he wouldn't be in the situation he was currently in. If he loved him, even the littlest bit in the way he did, he would be okay right now.

But he wasn't.

"No. No, you don't get to tell me what it-what it meant to me."

"Bullshit. If you loved him, he wouldn't be wasting away." Luke hissed at him and Calum shifted the best he could. "You're the reason it's spreading so fast. You lied."

"We were drunk -"

"- but it doesn't matter. Because you can't keep your dick in your pants, we probably have two nights at most with him before he's gone forever. Thanks a lot, Ashton." Michael snapped and then there was a door slamming shut.

"So it's my fault that I don't... that I can't feel the same?"

"Think about it. If you wanted him when you were drunk, why don't you want him now? What's holding you back?" Luke asked and Calum sniffled.

"I-I'm not gay, Luke, and that's my fault?"

Calum had enough.

"Stop arguing." He weakly demanded the two as he rolled on to his back. "I don't want to hear it. I don't want the last memories I have of us being that you all argued while I laid here useless."

"But -"

"- nothing. Now get-get out. I need to talk to him." He told the youngest blond and Luke sighed.

"Alright."

And then there was two, but who the hell was supposed to talk first when one had flowers in his throat and the other had ice in his bones?