Undesirable

Chapter 14

"Today is the day." Collin whispered into my ear. Waking me up from my sleep. Kissing my neck. I opened eyes, and saw him smile slightly. "We live in 45 minutes. I figured you might want to have a bit more time to get ready."

I smiled back at him, "Thank you."

I sat up in the bed, and removed the blanket from me going to the bathroom.

Am I the only one not excited about today? I don't want to know the sex of the baby. I don't want to celebrate. This is not a joyous moment at all for me.

I undressed from the T-shirt I was wearing and hopped into the shower.

Why can't I be happy about this?

"Collin!" I yelled. He rushed into the bathroom looking concerned. We have a door-less shower, it's like it's in its own room.

"What's wrong?" He asked me.

I started to cry a little, "Is there something wrong with me?"

He came into the shower a bit more, "there is nothing wrong with you, Tessa. Why do you ask?"

"I'm not happy, or ready to do-." I moved my hand towards my stomach, "-any of this."

He looked at me, with guilt.  I knew he was thinking that. "I didn't mean it like that, Collin. I'm just-"

"-Terrified, right?" He asked.

I stared at him, "I'm horrified. I don't know how I'm going to do this. How I'm gonna be a mom,I don't even know me, Collin."

I looked at him awhile more, he looked at me. How in the hell did we get selected to be dealing with a child. Collin had a career he wanted to pursue. I hadn't even started. We shouldn't be together. It's wrong.

"I'll be here with you every-step of the way. I love you, Tessa."

He told me he loves me.

He loves me.

"I love you, Collin."

—

The room had cute little elephants and Giraffe wallpaper in the upper part of the wall. I think this is a pedestrian and OB/GYN office combined. It's cute.

I was wearing a gown, with a warm blanket covering my legs. Having to be naked in a cold doctors office is very uncomfortable. I haven't been to my routine appointments since moving up here. I wonder what dr. Tue's brother, looks like. Can't be any cuter than him.

He opened the door, and he was rich with brown hair and blue eyes. He was gorgeous,but not like Collin. Maybe in his late 20s early 30s.

I heard Collin say 'oh God' in an irritated voice, I know he was hoping for some ugly guy, or a girl. But it's who I was needing.

"Hello, Tessa." He said, washing his hands, putting in gloves. "How are you."

"Nervous."

He chuckled a little, "I know the tech has already taken pictures, so I'm just going to review them and then we can move onto the appointment. Are you wanting the gender on an envelope or do you want me to mention it?" He asked.

I looked at Collin, wanting him to answer for me. I don't want to make the decision but he's kind of dealing with his own feelings right now. "We'd like to wait tell we get home." He said.

Likely we're both going to read it in the car.

He clicked through the picture, looking at the measurements, and other things. He sat quietly for a moment, then went to one of the drawers and grabbed the tool I dislike the most.

"I'm needing a couple more pictures so I'm going to have the tech come back out and take some more pictures for me. Going through you vaginal canal" He said, getting up, Collin felt relieved I could almost see him breathe again.

"I went ahead and placed the gender in this envelope. You're welcome to look at it whenever you would like. I'll be back when she's finished taking those photos."

My heart is racing, making me feel like there's something wrong with the baby. I know I'm so incredibly wushu washy but I just have been carrying this child for this period of time, how could I depart with it.

"Don't panic, Tessa. Everything is fine." Collin said. "They just need a couple of pictures."

The woman came in and lubricated the ultrasound camera that was going to go inside me. It was a lot of pressure at first,  but I understand it takes more measurements. Collin had to look away, that's why he isn't a doctor. He's such an animal.

"Okay, the doctor should be back in, in just a moment." She smiled.

"I hate that stupid tool." I said.

"I wish you had it at home." He smirked.

It was another 10 minutes before he came back into the room. I think he was looking at the pictures outside in the "den" as I call it.

"So, I was a little worried about what I was seeing on the ultrasound." He paused. My heart sank to the ground. "It's nothing terrible but Tessa you must eat more, provide more nutrients to the baby. It's gonna take everything in you just to keep this child alive. You need to take prenatal vitamins, and lots of water. It's underweight which could cause significant birth defects or even death. You're a high risk pregnancy as it is. Take care of yourself." he told me.

My fault? It's my fault that the baby could become defective, deformed, so on, and so forth.

"Other than that, you have a fairly normal baby." He smiled.

I looked at Collin, happy to at least hear this news.

"I want you to come in for a check up every 4 weeks." He sat up from his chair and put his hand on the knob of the door. "You can get dressed and make the appointments at the front."

I got up from the table and took off the gown, leaving it on the table. "Can you pass me my clothes?" I asked Collin, as he stared at me.

I swear he was drooling.

"Here." He handed me my socks first and I rolled my eyes. He then handed me my bra, and it started to make me laugh. My shirt was named, then my sweater.

"Can I get my bottom half covered please, it's a bit breezy in here." He got up from his chair and came towards me holding the rest of my clothes. He kissed me on the lips passionately, reaching his hand down to my bare pu$$y, rubbing my clit. His touch makes me crumble underneath him.

"I want to take you right here, right now." He whispered in my ear.

I closed my eyes, feeling his hands all over me. "Let's go home." I managed to whisper.

He removed his hands from my body and handed me his clothes, "This is your one free pass." He smiled.

We drove our long 45 minute drive back home and had everyone waiting for us. Me and Collin greed -no matter how hard- that we were not going to look before everyone. I wanted us all to be surprised.

"I'm nervous." I said as everyone was waiting for me to open the envelope.

"Just do it already." Nik said.

I used the letter opener and sliced it open. Slowly pulling out the post card.

"What is it?" They all asked.

"It's a—" I hesitated a moment, "it's a girl." I calmly stated. Sydney, Nik, Collin and Jack all cheered.

I was sitting there, alone, scared.

It's a girl.