Not Falling Apart

Chapter 8

Blake’s POV

Blake held his breath.

The doctor spoke. “Based on his symptoms and his current condition, I decided to do an endoscopy. That’s where I send a tube with a small camera on the end down his throat to examine the esophagus and stomach. I found an area for concern, so…”

Blake was only half listening now. He wanted the doctor to just get to the point, stop beating around the bush. Was Adam going to be okay or not?

“…he has stomach cancer.”

All Blake could focus on was the last word. Cancer. No, there had to be some mistake. Not Adam. Surely, there was a mix-up.

“What?!” was all he could say.

“He should be okay, but we’ll need to perform surgery tomorrow to remove it, then follow up with treatment to make sure it doesn’t come back.”

 “It can come back? I mean, he could have this problem for the rest of his life?”

“It’s possible, but since we’re dealing with an early form, it’s unlikely. He may still have stomach issues though. The sooner we get in there and remove it, the greater chance he’ll have of a full recovery.”

Blake let it all sink in. He was still upset with himself for not getting Adam help sooner, and now he was upset with the doctor as well.

“Adam was in here last Friday. How come ya didn’t find anything then? You saw how sick he was!”

“I did a blood test, but the only thing that would have shown up was a low red blood cell count, which it didn’t. Could have been too early for that. It progressed quite a bit over the weekend. Which actually doesn’t concern me too much, given that it’s probably only been serious for two or three days. Some people go weeks, months, without anything being detected or getting any treatment.”

Blake understood. He was still angry though.

“How’s he now?”

“Sleeping. The anesthesia should be wearing off shortly.”

“So you haven’t told him?”

“No, not yet.”

Blake nodded his head. “Can I see him after you do?”

“Sure.”

Adam’s POV

He tried opening his eyes. It was hard, and everything was blurry. He waited a couple minutes, then tried again. He looked around. He was the only one in a hospital room. He had needles stuck in both of his arms. He was wearing a gown. His stomach and throat hurt.

What the hell am I doing here?! The last thing he remembered was getting up out of his chair and walking a few steps. The rest was gone.

Soon a nurse appeared in the doorway. She stopped when she saw him awake, then turned and went back the way she came. Dr. Barnes appeared a few moments later.

God, I’m dreaming. He opened and shut his eyes a few more times, but his doctor still stood in front of him. Adam looked at him.

“I guess you’re wondering how you got here.”

Yeah, slightly.

“You fainted at the studio. Blake brought you here.”

Blake! Where’s Blake?

“He’s stayed here the whole time waiting for you. You have a really good friend.”

What the hell was he talking about? The whole time? How long have I been here? And Blake’s here?

Then he remembered. He remembered being so weak, so dizzy, so nauseous, so very, very unlike himself. That must be why he was here.

“Adam, I’m going to be honest with you. When you came in the other day, I wasn’t as worried as I should have been. Your symptoms very likely could have just been from stress. But I should have ran more tests, done something more. I’ve know you for a long time, and I should have known that the you that came in here was not you. It wasn’t just stress. These are just the things that every doctor has to go through at times in their career. We’re all human, we make mistakes."

What the fuck was he talking about?

“Your symptoms have actually been caused by a small tumor in the lining of your stomach. You have stomach cancer.”

His heart skipped a beat. He heard it loud and clear. He listened as Dr. Barnes went over the procedure he performed, how it was diagnosed, the surgery he would need tomorrow, and the possible side-effects and life-long effects.

Once again, Adam got that queasy feeling in his stomach. But this time, he didn’t think it was from his sickness. His cancer. Holy. Shit.

“Are you okay? Do you have any questions?”

Adam didn’t know if he was okay or not. Didn’t know if he would be okay. He was scared. He tried to hold it together.

“I’ll be fine,” was all he could say.

“There’s someone here who wants to see you.”

Blake’s POV

Blake walked into Adam’s room fifteen minutes later. Adam was sitting up on the bed, feet and legs dangling over the side. He was staring at the wall. Machines surrounded him, and there were needles in his arms. He looked so fragile, so vulnerable.

Blake knew it wasn’t the right time for jokes. He was soft and serious when he spoke.

“How are you?” He walked over and stood by him, hands in his pockets.

Adam shrugged.

“Feel any better?”

He shrugged again, with a small shake of his head.

“Do ya wanna talk about it?”

Adam’s expression suddenly changed. He looked angry.

He looked up at Blake. “How am I? Do I feel better? Do I want to talk about it?!” He pronounced each syllable when he spoke. Blake didn’t say anything.

“I look terrible. I feel terrible. I don’t want to talk about anything except what the fuck is wrong with me. God, you were right. I should have been more concerned about this. I should have gone right back to the doctor. I should have listened to you. Maybe then I wouldn’t be sitting here in a hospital bed, the last place I want to be, hooked up to some stupid machines, learning that I have cancer, for Christ sake! Yeah Blake, I’m peachy.”

Blake felt horrible. Adam blamed himself. He wanted to tell him no, none of this was his fault, but he doubted anything would make Adam feel better right now. This wasn’t fair. None of this was fair. Adam most certainly did not deserve any of this. He had always taken such good care of himself. 

All the portrayed anger must have been hard for him, because the next thing Blake knew, Adam put his face in his hands, and he burst into tears.

Blake sat down next to him on the bed. He put his arm around his shoulder. Adam was sobbing loudly.

Blake didn’t know what it must have felt like to be sick then told you have cancer. He couldn’t even begin to grasp what Adam must be feeling right now. He'd never even seen him cry. 

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re gonna be fine. We’ll get through this.” Easy for me to say. But he did truly believe it. No matter what, he would make sure Adam came out of this thing alive and well.

Adam collapsed into him and put both his arms around Blake’s body, hugging him tight, and Blake did the same, careful not to get in the way of the IVs or squeeze him too hard. Blake could feel the back of his shirt become wet with tears, but he didn’t care. He loved the feel of Adam’s warm body against his, even as small and weak as it was now. They sat there in silence, locked in each other’s embrace.