Not Falling Apart

Chapter 22

Adam’s POV

Adam walked into the studio with his head hanging. He was still upset over the turn his and Blake’s relationship had taken. It wasn’t fair. He saw Blake, and tried to perk up. He didn’t want Blake to see how upset he was. He put on his best fake smile.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hey.” Blake stood in front of him with his hands shoved in his jeans pockets. It was clear he was feeling as rotten as Adam, and also didn’t want to show it.

Get a grip, Adam told himself. It’s not like Blake was moving away. They could still hang out together and see each other every day. But he knew it wouldn’t be the same.

***

After the show, Shakira came up to him. “Hey, I didn’t see as much playfulness between you and Blake today.” She meant it lightheartedly, but it cut Adam even deeper. Before he would have been a bundle of nerves when someone else mentioned it. Now, he could care less. All he could think about was wanting Blake back.

“Um, yeah, I don’t know, we just tried to be a little more civilized I guess,” he replied with a small laugh.

She could sense something. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He didn’t want to talk about it anymore so he waved goodbye and headed for the exit.

***

At home he threw down his stuff and plopped on the couch, letting out a sigh. He looked over at a picture framed on the table. It was of all four coaches, standing side by side with their arms draped over each other’s shoulders. He was on the end, with Blake beside him. He closed his eyes and remembered the way Blake’s body felt against his, the tenderness of his lips, the strength of his grasp. And to think he could no longer have it. He didn’t want anyone else—no other man, no other woman—just Blake.

He opened his eyes slowly, not wanting to erase the beautiful image from his mind. He had to get over this, get on with his life. It was for the best. Maybe now, without seeing so much of Blake, he could focus more on personal things that needed to be done, for one, cleaning his house. He got up and went to the bedroom. He started to pick something up off the floor when the memory of that one night with Blake, back when he was recovering, came flooding back to his mind, and it made him smile. A glance at his bed reminded him of the amazing moments he and Blake had spent there. He tried to focus on something else, but everywhere he turned he was reminded of Blake. Getting over this would be much harder than he thought.

Blake’s POV

Things had straightened out pretty well between him and Miranda. He never told her the whole truth about him and Adam, but he told her he would be spending less time with him and more with her. She seemed to buy it pretty well. Not that he was lying—this time, for once, he wasn’t. He almost wished he was, because that would mean he and Adam would still be together.

He hated hurting his best friend. Hated it more than anything in the world. He also loved Adam more than anything in the entire world. That man made him so happy. He was so lucky to have called him his, even for such a short time.

He turned his head to look at Miranda, sitting on a chair across from him, eyes on the T.V. screen. They were supposed to be enjoying a movie together, but Blake’s thoughts kept drifting. He thought of Adam so much that it surprised him when he looked over and saw his wife, realizing they were in a relationship. He loved her, but not the same way he loved Adam. As sad as it was, he didn’t cut it off with Adam because he wanted to be with Miranda. He was scared she, and others, would find out, start talking, ruin both their lives. He wasn’t a real man. He was a man who hurt his best friend and who was scared of his wife. But not a real man. The more he thought about it, the more ashamed of himself he felt. But it was the only way out he could think of. He’d soon just have to get over his grief and get back to his regular life, and never think of wanting Adam again.

Adam’s POV

Taping continued, which meant more time in the studio; therefore, less time to think about Blake.

They had all coached their first pairs of singers for the battle rounds, and were now sitting in their big read chairs, waiting for them to go on stage. Adam could tell it wouldn’t be a very successful season for either him or Blake because of their relationship turmoil, but he was trying to make the best of it to help his artists. He found himself relaxing and putting his worries out of his mind when he was with them. If only he didn’t have to see Blake the rest of the time.

To make matters worse, he had been feeling sicker lately. He knew it was normal, and in the back of his mind he knew it would happen eventually, he just wasn’t ready for it. He had felt nearly perfect for so long that he just wanted to forget the inevitable. But here it was, nausea upon him once again. Wonderful that it had to come just as he was getting over Blake.

He was trying to stop his head from spinning when he felt Blake’s hands on his shoulders.

“Blake, what are you doing?”

“Just because we’re not together doesn’t mean we can’t have a little fun,” Blake whispered in his ear.

Yes it does, because it’ll only make me want you more.

Still Adam couldn’t resist, and he relaxed under Blake’s touch.

“You’re tense.”

“Yeah, a little.” Blake was acting like everything was normal, so he should too. God, he was being a big baby.

“You don’t sound good, you okay?”

He admitted it. “The nausea’s back.”

“Hmm. Well, you’re just stressed. It’s normal.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

It was time to start so Blake took his seat and Adam was left with unanswered questions and unfulfilled desires.