Not Falling Apart

Chapter 21

Adam’s POV  

It was late when Adam got the phone call. He was watching a movie when his phone lit up with an incoming call from Blake. Adam smiled as he picked it up and answered.

“Hey baby, what’s up?”

He heard Blake pause and take a deep breath.

“Is everything okay?” He turned serious.

“Adam, I haven’t been completely honest with you.”

What is he getting at?

“It’s about Miranda. She knows about us. I’m worried that she knows too much.”

His heart jumped. There was a reason Blake didn’t talk much about Miranda; this was it.

“Li-like what?”

“I don’t know exactly, but she’s been questioning me a lot lately. I’ve been lying to her, telling her we’re just friends, but she doesn’t believe me. I’m afraid that she’ll find out everything, and tell someone, or get real angry at me, or you, or…” He trailed off. He sounded worried and upset.

“Blake, it’s okay, like you said, we can make it work,” Adam said in a small voice. Then he sighed. “I haven’t been honest with you either. Shakira was on to me the other day again. Usher this time too. She suspects something, maybe she knows something, I’m not really sure. But it’s scaring the shit out of me.”

“It’s getting too hard to hide this. It was easy when you were in the hospital. Everyone understood why I was with you so much. Even Miranda admitted she got over it. But now…man, I don’t know. Between Miranda and everyone at the studio…we could have a real problem.”

Adam didn’t like where this was going. Maybe their relationship was too good to be true.

“Blake, what are you saying?” Why did he ask that question? He didn’t want to hear the answer from his lover’s lips.

“Adam, I don’t think this is going to work. I think we should just go back to being friends.”

Adam saw it coming, but the words hurt like daggers.

“Hey…you there?” Blake said softly.

“Yeah, um…Blake I…I don’t want to just be friends.”

“Me neither. But I think it’s fairer to both of us to keep our distance.”

Adam could tell it hurt Blake to be saying these things, but he knew he was right. It was hard. So hard. Hard hiding their love, sneaking around, lying all the time. And it was probably ten times harder for Blake, having to hide it from his wife. Adam was being selfish. Blake had sacrificed so much for him.

“Blake, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I got sick, I’m sorry I fell for you, I’m sorry I ruined your and Miranda’s relationship…” He was near tears.

“Adam, listen to me. You have nothing to be sorry for. NONE of this is your fault. Don’t you ever think that. I love you too, and fell for you too, remember? We BOTH agreed to this.”

“I know we did. Thanks.”

“So, are we doing this?”

“Going back to just friends?”

“Yeah.”

 “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Adam, I’m so sorry. I love you, and I’ll always love you.”

“I love you too Blake.”

With that they hung up.

***

Adam was so torn. He knew it was in their best interest to keep their distance but damn, he wanted to be with Blake. He wished they didn’t have to hide anything. Had no one to answer to and didn’t have to worry about others’ opinions. He punched the wall and cursed. If he couldn’t have Blake, what was there to live for?

He went into the bathroom and opened the cabinet above the sink. He pulled out all the pill bottles and began frantically opening them. He took a handful of various pills as the rest fell to the floor. Then he stopped. This wouldn’t help anything. He had to get his head on straight, think. He dropped everything and walked out of the bathroom, disappointed in himself for even considering what he was about to do. There had to be a way around this.

But no, truthfully, there wasn’t. Blake was right—their easy-going relationship was great while he was sick. The sad thing was, after he got well was supposed to be their greatest opportunity. Unless he and Blake up and left and ditched everything here and started a new life, they had two choices—continue sneaking around, or let it rest. The second way was no doubt easier, but so much harder at the same time—it was less satisfying, and not really what either wanted. But he had to remind himself it was for the best. Maybe they weren’t meant to be in a relationship after all.  

Blake’s POV

Was he being a coward? Why was he letting his wife control who he could and couldn’t have a relationship with? No one knew the whole truth, no one knew the complexity of his and Adam’s relationship. He couldn’t let her keep growing suspicious. It was too risky. But should he just come out and tell her? So he and Adam could move on together? No, he couldn’t. But why not? It was too much to handle. He had to believe what he and Adam had worked out would be for the best.

Blake didn’t go home, but instead decided to call Miranda. Things needed sorting out.

Thankfully she picked up. “Yes?”

“I’ve gotta tell you something.”

“Wait, let me start.” An apology.

“Ok.”

“The reason I was so angry was because I saw you kiss Adam. Look, I don’t know, I don’t even care what the hell has been going on between you two, but it needs to stop now. Not just for our sake, but do you know that people have been talking?” Nope, not an apology.

“I know. I’m sorry. I give you my word that it’s over.”

“And you expect me to believe you, after all that you’ve done?”

“I know it’s hard, but this time, you gotta trust me.”