DAY6 • THE TYPE

devastated

just an update on how im feeling.

i wish i read all your kind and heart warming messages yesterday, because i finally broke down. right in front of my mum. i was trying to study math and not using a calculator. at this time i was just starting and the first question was already difficult for me. i realised that I didn't remember a certain way to solve this question and what mad me sad, is that i learnt it a long time ago, i just really forgot. soon my mum came in and i started crying, she didn't comfort me.. and got mad because all i do is watch korean dramas and not study, the truth is i know im not good at math so i never bothered to try ;-; . she tried to teach me and she got frustrated too because i couldn't understand. i couldn't understand because i was in the middle of crying and blowing my nose several times because of my nasal problem. the things is i finally figured out how to solve it during the process and im glad. it's just that i felt so frikin dumb and frustrated with myself. i realised that i had lost myself in the time frame of three years, i don't know what i am doing with my life anymore. i decided to distance myself from others as a result of my difficulties, i feel like i need time to myself and time to find myself before i figure everything out.

i don't remember the last time i ever cried out loud to the point i threw up and had a massive migraine. all i can say is, stressing out isn't worth it. i don't want anyone to experience the pain i went through last night, i cried for endless hours and so loudly, i was practically wailing. this is honestly so embarrassing, but i just wanted to say that i will do better and I appreciate all your comments so damn much it made me cry again today hehe. despite the swollen eyes and sore throat, i really want to thank you my lovely followers and supporters for always being there for me. i will never forget your kindness.

sending all my love and hugs.

— kay 🤧💜💜💜