"you are allowed to feel messed up and inside out it doesn't mean you're defective it just means you're human"
but i don't feel anything
and i am just hurting
when i look at them
their smiles in their eyes
when they look at me
my eyes shine
and as my mouth curls into a smile
my heart cries inside
i feel something i tell myself but i know why it weeps
because the darkness will always creep
and find me and that's when it devours me
leaving me so empty i feel nothing
not even a tendril of emotion
so i eat and i just don't stop eating
just to feel something that fills the empty void
that chocolate will make me fat
those sweets will rot my mouth
but i eat them
because no matter what you say
my mouth is bitter from the lies i say everyday
even if it's for a moment i want to taste sweet things
a change from the tasteless words that run laps inside my mind
it runs for me
and as you think you see
my mind is fit and healthy
but look inside
will you never open your eyes
will you never see the real me
can't you see what your words do to me
you destroyed me
then you came to me again and again
apologizing only to hurt me again
but i don't cry because i know i can't bear to see the triumph in your eyes
but watch a movie and that's when i cry
because unlike you i empathize
i always saw that dead look and i hoped i was wrong
but then you made me come closer to you
and confide in you
and then your eyes gleamed unlike the sun in the sky
and that's when
you destroy me all over again
but you talk all that sweet talk
and i'm back in your hands but what i do know
is to conceal all the hurt that burn before my eyes
so i smile at your frown
until my tears are streaming down
while i laugh at the hurt you threw me and i knew you weren't done
so my laugh slowed down
as the pain sunk in
unwillingly i crumpled down
