a change of a human//Levi Ackerman x Ghoul! reader

empty heart

walking in town to get to HQ, i had no care for who saw me.when i first escaped i had no idea where i was, then i realized i was in the first wall that was broken, i forgot what it was called, but i know it started with shin.i made my way in the wall rose.there was another attack on wall maria and i wasn't there to save anyone.

"why is she naked?!"

 "she looks nice"

 "yeah nice body" 

"wait, doesn't she look like that killer from years ago!"

 "no i think she is captain y/n l/n but why does she look like that?"

 "i think shes a slut, that might explain why she wasn't here to save us" 

"she cared about d*cks more then saving us" i narrowed my eyes but kept walking.

 i stood in front of HQ, it looked the same but it was quiet.i walked to the doors and knocked someone opened the door 

"captain y/n l/n!? what happened to you!?" i stared at him

 "can i get in now? i am freezing" he moves to the side with a pale face.i looked around, same but still quiet.

" captain y/n, a lot has happened since  you were gone" i turned to the guy.

"i noticed.where is everyone, it is way too quiet" i looked side to side.

"well um i-it's quiet b-because-"

 "y/n, where the hell have you been?" i see commander with levi.

" sucking c*cks apparently" i say with a blank face."what happened to you.and your hair...?"  i grabbed a piece of hair and looked at it."i look old now" seeing it white instead of h/c. 

"but are you ok? did the police recognize you?" a sigh escapes my mouth.

" oh so when i was a killer, i looked like a slut with short hair?wow i didn't know"  i rub my arms."i'm cold" i muttered before walking pass them to my room.

 i entered the empty slightly dusty room.walking pass my mirror, i look like when i was a killer but with white hair. i forced a smile on my face, but quickly took it away.i slowly played with my hair like i always did, nothing changed. i took off the little clothing and changed into my uniform before walking out.

i walked around HQ trying to find petra so i can ask her what happened, but everywhere i looked she wasn't there.now that i think about it, i haven't seen gunther, oulo, or eld."where are they?" i muttered 

"they are dead" i turned around to see levi leaing against the wall.

"dead?in 2 weeks?" he gave me a crazy look 

"2 weeks?...what are you talking about? you been gone for a damn month!" i stared at him.

"i guess i lost track then" i rubbed my hair.

"so we got another squad?well damn" i muttered as i cracked my knuckles.

"what happened to you? you aren't your bubbly happy self anymore" i looked at him.

" i kept going to hell then returning back ever since i was gone" i walk pass him.

the thought of them gone, i makes me feel bad because i wasn't here to help them. i walk pass hanji's lab, i knocked before entering.seeing hanji going crazy over a young boy at sat in the metal bed.i felt my face turn pale when i saw the metal bed.i coughed 

"hanji who is this?" she turned to me before running to me.she wrapped her arms around me as she swung me around.

"oh my god!i missed you!..what happened, and you hair.why are you showing so much skin!" her scent was stronger then usal.she must have not showered.

"i don't want to talk about, who is this kid?" i turned to the teenager who sat in front of me.

"c-captain y/n, i am eren yeager! i am part of survy corps, in your and captain levi's squad!" he had his fist on his chest and back, he was pretty nervous. i look at hanji 

"was he hit on the head and forgot who he was?" she shook her head 

"when the titans broke wall maria, this yonug man shifted into a titan.so now he is in your and levi's squad" i narrowed my eyes at the kid.

"a titanshifter?i heard there are more but i didn't think a kid would be one. were you born like this?" he shook his head.i nod my head

"well then see you later" i walked out of the lab.

a lot did happen, my squad died, we got a titanshifter, and now we have one less wall.damn mad man."y/n" i turned to erwin 

"y/n, can you tell me what happened for the past month.it is unlike you to disappear then return cold, where's my bubbley girl?" i sigh 

"i was kiddnapped for apparently a month.and i won't be saying what happpened" a shiver ran down my spine as i thought about the pain.

"well, remember my door is always open" i nodded my head before walking away.

"you know what happened, yet you act as if nothing happened" i turned to levi again.

"so i need be sad so they can come back?" 

"don't you care?our squad died protecting that kid!" i nodded my head 

"so you finally realized most of your choices are wrong?" he tensed up.i stared at him 

"did they have fun carving those pumpkins?" he stared at me.

"no, no because we all went out to search for you.after the titans broke in we got eren.then the female titan came in, they were so scared, not having you around, they made it seem like you weren't protecting them. thinking they didn't have your protection, fear got to them. they died trying to protect eren."

"weren't you there?weren't you enough to protect them?or am i the only one who can?or did you leave them like you did back then?" he stayed quiet.

"let me guess, it was to help erwin catch the female titan or was it to kill him?" 

"he said the plan would work!" a chuckle escaped my lips.

"erwin's gambles doesn't always work.so you really did leave them?you just don't learn." i crossed my arms and shook my head.

"when i was gone, i lost my emotions, my humanity, i became shameless by listening to the orders i was given by the kidnapper.he ordered me to do things that still sends shivers down my spine. i forgot how to smile, to laugh, or to love myself.or to give pity.i feel numb.i feel weak.he took me apart then replaced it with other things.i feel like a robot, a machine" i look at him 

"i feel like i might go insane by the amount of pain and suffering that still runs in my mind." i look down."he made me want to kill again.but" i look up at him and walked to him.i grabbed his shoulders "if i go crazy or if i go killing again this time i don't want to be saved" we both stared at each other.

" kill me"