i sat next to eren and his buddies in the mess hall.they chatted away about teenager things, i didn't feel right.i felt dizzy and light-headed.i grabbed on the table as everything started swaying, gripping on my forehead as a thobbing pain grew.
"captain y/n are you alright, you look pale" i nod my head, wanting them to not pay attention.lately i haven't been able to control myself, i am not sure the reasoning for all this but, it is troublesome.
i stared at my refection in my tea, in hopes my headache would go away but not only did it feel like someone was hitting my head with a hammer, i started feeling hungery.i gulp when the smell of flesh filled my mind.the fake taste of blood was on my tongue, it was like i wanted to drink up blood like soup.i close my eyes to clear my mind, but the scent of the room grew heavy and thick.the smell was becoming hard to ignore, surrounded by humans, that i can eat.
i snap my eyes open to see one of my eye red and black.my eyes widen, clamping my hand over my eye.i stood up from my seat catching everyone's attention.
"r-return talking" i stuttered, standing behind my chair.
"w-where is hanji?" they all looked at me.i looked drunk, very drunk.
"hanji said she was going to go set up training for me outside in the field" eren says
"shit" i muttered.in the pain i am in, i don't think i will be able to make it there before i pass out or something bad happens.
"captain y/n, should i escort you to your office.you should really rest, you look ill" i shook my head
"stay, i-i'm fine" i wiped the sweat from my face with my free arm as i stumbled to the door.
"y/n, eren is right you should rest" ignoring levi's words, i contuined to the door, and leaned on the doorway.
my breath was heavy, i felt like i was in fire, being cooked alive.this was too much for me, the pain in my stomach and head while feeling i am being cooked alive.i wrap my arm around my stomach before falling to my knees.
"captain!" hearing the wooden chair scrap on the hard ground then feet running towards me, fear was the only thing i could feel, no matter where i went.i was always in fear, it was like a stalker following me ever since i escaped that mad man.
i hate feeling this, everyday.it is like i am being pulled down by chains while everyone throws insults at me.this feeling is the only thing i know.i hated that i am sometimes controlled by this feeling.i hate that i always feel like i will go killing everyone again.i hate that i feel like i will be abandoned by everyone when they find out about this.i hate that i let fear control my every moment.i hate it.I Hate It, I HATE IT!
"STAY BACK!" i yelled, all sounds, movement stopped.the growling in my stomach, stopped for a mere second."stay back" i say trying to act calm.i slowly stood up, getting my balance
"captain y/n-" i slightly turned my head towards them.
"i order you to sit back and return talking" the words left my mouth as if i was reading it off a book."i am fine, just light-headed.i will go rest, for now just contuine what your doing" grabbing all my energy and control i pretended to walk off as if it was nothing.but what i grasp left when i took a turn to another hallway.again this smell, it was making my mouth water.i could taste it in my mouth."hanji" i mumble leaning on the wall as i walked, tearing jacket against the brick wall.
timeskip
i stumble to hanji's direction
"h-hanji!" i called out weakly.i was right, i won't be able to make it.falling to my knees, holding up my body was becoming harder by the second.my head loosey moving as i tried to keep moving.
"h-hanji!" i called out once more.
my vision was already blurry.the sounds became slient.this is how it feels when i die?so cold and quiet.quite rude to make me think i die alone?my head suddenly falls forward but i was wrapped in warmth.all i saw was light brown and pieces of white.i couldn't move, the fear started climbing on me again.why won't you leave me alone already?why do you keep returning at bad times, fear?i should have killed you with that mad man, you both would make a lovely couple.
my eyes became heavy as the whispers entered my ears, by the one and only fear.fear was making me tired with his words.instead of feeling cold, i felt warmth.i want to think that someone found me but fear was making me think it was him hugging me in comfort.fuck off already.
the blurry colors got darker and darker until i was only seeing black.my sight left me just like sound did.i felt like i was floating, am i dead?
YOU ARE READING
a change of a human//Levi Ackerman x Ghoul! reader
Fanfictionyou were born in a world of titans and ghouls. a killer you were back then, but after being captured by commander Smith, you became part of the survey corps.no one was able to believe you, the happy, cheerful, and bubbly girl was a murder.but later...
