Trapped || Matt Espinosa & Nash Grier

Chapter Twenty-Three

I felt my eyes flutter as I bandaids stretched across my arms,I had a hospital gown on.I wasn't home. Better yet,I was in a

hospital. Someone must have gotten me before I fell to the ground.Woohoo...I wasn't dead.My sides hurt painfully.I felt weight shift

at the end of the hospital bed.I looked down...know one was here to claim me...except Matt and Nash.I don't know...my life was

such a shit hole that I didn't have any family at my feet.My father did disown me.Matt rushed up to my side as Nash walked out

slamming the door."You were contemplating it...but I don't know why the hell you attempted to do it.It was probably me wasn't it..."A

tear fell down his eye."Matthew...it wasn't you..."He shook his head."Why then?"His voice so cracked I could barely

understand.I didn't say anything,it was too personal."I had an anxiety attack."I said.He shook his head..."Im not dumb!""Can

this be the one thing...the one thing I don't tell you Matthew...please.Im okay." He kissed me on the nose and walked out.I sat up as a

doctor came in."Megan,this one was serious,both kidney's almost failed.You could have died if that young man didn't burst through

that door.""Yeah that's what I was going for...""We're putting you on suicide watch for now okay...You'll be released in two days and we

have depression pills subscripted under your name.We suggest you have someone go get them right away while your here."She

handed me a piece of paper I ripped it in half in her face.Then quickly turned my head away."Who the hell said I was fucking

depressed?!?Get the hell out of here!!!!"I screamed flailing my arms up.She walked out angrily.Nash walked in."What did you say

to her?She was cursing under her breath...No,no...first I wanna know what did you do this for.""Nash,what

makes you think I'll tell you!""I don't know but your being real selfish." "Good!Because for the first time I felt like I was thinking for

myself!You guys are selfish!Every time I perform an action it's for the both of you and Im tired,and exhausted,I don't want to so

it anymore!I want to die!All I have ti think about is me!Not you, ME!"I could barely screamed because my throat was in so much pain from

screaming earlier."Im so sick of this!I want to die!I do I just want to gracefully painlessly die and I'll be okay...because no one will

realize Im dead anyways...My funeral will consist of no one...because I have no one...nobody who's feeling reflect towards

me..."I began to sob uncontrollably."I could die and all every one could think about was what I did wrong...I know me...I am the

most humble,grateful, abnegate person I know.Im not fucking selfish."I saw he felt bad for his words.He grabbed my hand.I slowly

yanked it away."I can't think of an answer for us...Can I be honest... there probably will never be one Nash...there won't.We can't

fix this one...not today...not tomorrow,we are both screwed!"He nodded."And I still can't tell you why I did this because you'll

remember...then I'll remember.""Please...I just want to be alone."I said crying into my hands. That's the first anyone has heard of

my problems and it felt good but I finally mentally needed to let it out.I wasn't depressed...I was traumatized.I needed a

breath...ending my life wasn't the answer.I needed something else to kickstart it.He didn't leave...for some reason I didn't want him

to.He sat there with me the whole time I cried not saying anything not staring just looking down listening to my cries. He probably let

what I said sink in...I didn't want that,then he'd think too hard and I wouldn't be ready for his response...only then would I need some

depression pills.He walked back out.Then evening turned to night slowly and I cried while drifting slowly in and out of sleep.Light

sleep,occasionally being talked to my a nurse and occasionally making them angry.I woke up and peeled off the bandaids going up

my arms.I began to scratch again and again, peeling the scabs already formed.I wanted to feel something again...If that was pain,it

was okay.I dug into my skin deeper forcing blood out, intentionally harming myself because I wanted to.The next day in the

hospital came.I had no sleep and I was drowsy,dried blood frozen in time on myself baggy,red eyes and messy blond and brown

hair.I sincerely looked insane.The highlight of my day was when Matt came to visit me."I wish you could leave...I don't know after a

day I sort of miss you."He said sitting down."Yeah,well this is 72 hour suicide watch."I said bitterly.He winced a little."Even Nash's

mom misses you...your like there second daughter they said."I smiled at him lightly...so I was thought about."Why do you have

bandages on your arms?"He said intertwining our fingers together."I scratch my arms until they bled to bug the nurses they put sticky

adhesive to stop me from scratching.I've been so bored it's the only thing that I do to entertain me. There ain't even any TV's

here..."He kept the same stare.Placing my hand on his lips and scooting closer to me."I'll keep you company,Meg,just call me

when iPhone games get boring.He handed me my phone from his pocket."MY PHONE!Your so awesome,wow!"I said not

even thinking about how I left it and he knew where it was and brought it to me."I know how it feels not to have a phone so I got you."I

laughed.Then his phone began to ring."Ugh...that is my mother."He said getting up."Let me get this."Matt said.He began to walk

off."Hey..."He said turning around slightly phone at his ear while rubbing the back of his neck."...I love you..."He said.It came so

naturally,the words drifting from his mouth so smoothy and mistake-less.It was beautiful,I was selfish...I had completely forgot about

Matt,for now that's all I would think about."I love you too."He smiled walking out to finish the conversation he started.I

really did feel good to know someone was thinking about you.I was a bitch for not doing the same.