Save Me

Life

JIMIN:

I see her spacing out again. Her head is looking up to the sky as if she is communicating with the sky. Maybe asking for something, maybe praying for something. And I know exactly what she's thinking about. Sana is absolutely trying to communicate with Yoongi through the sky which still unities God's creatures in this planet.

Now after the hurricane has calmed...My mother is resting at her family's villa to heal her depression because of that person, Sana resumed her path to reach her dream as a doctor, Yoongi also sent me message telling me that he'll continue his study in Japan and Taehyung started to work while studying at college. Yet I still feel something is wrong in this world. The logic that's prevail in the world I'm living in right now is not rational anymore for me.

How to survive when part away from someone we love?

Yeah, I know. Sana is fighting hard to continue her life without Yoongi.

Yeah, I know. Sana can't bring back her love to me no matter how hard she tried.

Yeah, I know. I'm still powerless to let go of Sana although I see that clearly. I see her struggling and suffering.

But Sana always smiles, laughs, as if her life is okay. As if she enjoys being in my side. Happy because she will get married with me. Although I see clearly, never again Sana had even shown her deepest of heart after she lost Yoongi in high school.

And here I am. I think my heart becomes more rotten because the flower I've been maintain to keep blossoming for me, already withering and wrinkling. I want to keep Sana because I still want to live in this world.

I don't know anymore how to survive in the world without Sana. I'm too weak and my weakness makes her not happy and instead destroys her gradually. At this level, once again I want to give up with my life.

"Baby,"I hug Sana from behind very tightly. With this, I won't think to really give up on my life. With this, I won't wish that I will disappear forever.

Sana turns around and caresses my head gently, I kiss her shoulder and our faces meet. Her kiss is always same, full of tenderness, still passionate but felt so ordinary. I spin her body around to kiss her freely, pin her body to the glass wall behind her, carefully I lift her body. Sana wraps her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck and her lips's movement is so powerful, fast and synchronized with my tongue movement very well.

Sometimes deep inside my heart that weird feeling comes. When I tasted how sweet this girl's kiss, or when our body became one, I felt it. That there's a part of my self that's screaming, pitying and feeling guilty towards the person who actually doesn't deserve my Sana.

I pity Yoongi.

"Hah...hah...Oppa,"Sana stares at me with her teary eyes after we broke our passionate kiss which last long. Unknowingly I've already brought her to the bed. I wipe some hair strands off her face. She's so beautiful, I always want to keep her in my embrace. But once again, the weird feeling swims up to the surface. Everytime I look at Sana, I feel like I commit a crime.

I make love to her, when barely I realize who's the one she really want.

"Sana...,"

"Yes?"Sana asked whilst slowly unbuttoning my shirt.

"Tonight, I will release everything inside you,"I caress her face which looking at me innocently.

"I will make you pregnant,"

And I want to slap my face hardly, Sana! How can I think like that? Thinking that I will make you pregnant when I know exactly what hurt you the most. After you lost your fetus with Yoongi, of course this will really wound you. Even I know that you're not willing to have child with me right?!