Save Me

A Man Who's Afraid of The Light

Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit – Peter Ustinov

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light – Plato

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"You cry too much and it doesn't suit you,"

"Sana!"

"Sana-ya!"

"Hah?!"

I blink my eyes a couple times. Yoongi already gave a deep stare at me, his eyes are focus looking at me with his stoic face, but what I feel is his worries. I still look at him quietly, where am i? Why Yoongi is in front of me? Was that a dream? Or dejavu? Or only illusion?

"Are you alright? The weather is too cold, you better stay inside. Let me go buy the food,"Yoongi wraps a red scarf around my neck. His face is still not full of expression, still plain but his action is full of attention with small things that make my heart thumping.

"I won't be long,"a smile flashed on his face right now. The smile that I saw lately, makes my heart calm and happy whenever I see that. Yoongi was never laughing, but he smiled even only for small things that I or we did. The first time I saw his smile is when he wiped my tears when we were making love –again- and that's when I felt love.

I don't know whether I who felt love. Or him, who was feeling love...

At once I feel tranquil, I feel that I can trust that Yoongi can buy the food alone. Quickly comeback to me, then we will spend the time with eating ramyun while watching tv, then we will cuddle. I'm a foul in this. I know this is wrong but I can't hold myself. I can't hold my feelings. Everytime Yoongi kissed me, I trembled like a child, I felt so happy and I assumed that Yoongi loves me. Even though I know, who the person he loves....

"No, I'll come," I say. Too much things I'm thinking about. From my tranquil and trust feelings to Yoongi, till thoughts about me who have one sided love, until suddenly an idea crossed my mind. About the fear of losing Yoongi.

"If you say so,"Yoongi took his blue beanie from his head and put the beanie on my head. The beanie he has always been wearing during this winter. The wool beanie which is looked obsolete but still good to be worn, which silently stole my attention because I like blue.

"I love this beanie,"I said, I can't hide my happiness when Yoongi put the beanie carefully onto my head.

"It's blue,"I continue, now I can feel myself is grinning, showing my teeth.

Once again, thing that I love the most in this world is happening. Yoongi is smiling, softer than before.

"This what my mom gave me. The only thing she left,"Yoongi answered, his smile has already vanished yet his eyes are sparkling. Yoongi looked bright when he talks about his mother but in other side he looked sad either. I can understand how Yoongi's feeling right now. He loves his mother, he really do. She was the only biological family for Yoongi even though he is disappointed because his mom gave up to protect Yoongi.

"Really? Then you shouldn't lose this beanie,"I say.

"I won't. Because there's my initial name here, people will know that this is mine,"Yoongi says while he steps down the stairs. I follow his steps with bright face. The time when we not cry, not hurt each other and not worry anything is the time that I enjoy the most. Even though I know that actually Yoongi hates me but I'm relieved whenever I give him affection, Yoongi never refused. Slowly I slid my hand onto his fingers, Yoongi turns around and I give him a smile.