Niall Horan (sad) one direction Ziall

"The normal niall"

Little note ^ that picture is the cutest thing in my whole existence.

~~Niall's point of view~~
I woke up at about 2 am. I couldn't sleep anymore my arm was stinging. Damn my arm. And then it hit me.

"Fuckkkkkk" i cant wear short sleeves anymore. And we have a damn photo shoot tomorrow! What the hell am i going to do! I started to panic. My hands became all sweaty and i sat up from bed. I started hyperventilating.

I was having a panic attack. I knew it.

I can't be in front of the camera. I can't. I just can't. Everyone already calls me ugly. What if I've gotten uglier. Fuck. My whole body was shaking uncontrollably. I got out of bed but fell over knocking my pile of clothes on the floor. I needed to calm down. But how could you. Everyone is gonna find you out tomorrow. They are going to think you are crazy. I started to bang my head with my hands. Tears started to run down my face. They can't know! They just can't.how am i supposed to take pictures next to 4 perfect boys. Everyone is going to see how ugly i am. Why am i so damn ugly!?! And now my scares add to it!

I let out a little cry but shut myself up. I needed to calm myself. I was going crazy. But of course i did the one thing that would make it worse.

I went to Twitter. I was looking at it all. All these people from all around the world. Talking about me. If everyone in the world thinks all these things get must be true. I was curled in a ball in the corner of my room. Tears streamed down my face. I felt just so worthless. I started to mumble to myself.

"You are worthless Niall. Worthless. You mess everything up. Everyone worry's about you. Why do i have to exist." My voice was cracking making me sound so vulnerable. I hated the sound of my voice i hated it. I hated it. I started to knock things over in my room. Completely trashing it. I needed to do something. Then i felt a weird feeling. I craved the relief that I felt earlier. I got up and ran to the bathroom. I knew exactly what i was going to do.

I went to my draw, Each one of us had our own draw for our things, and pulled out a razor. I look a deep breath. But i couldn't without shaking. And with that i did it. I slid it against my skin a few times. Then my leg. My arm and leg were now gushing with blood and i was finally able to breath out. The pain was unbearable. I felt like screaming. But all i cared is that my mind was clear. I sunk to the floor. Blood dropped onto the floor. And i closed my eyes i felt myself getting light headed. I knew i had to clean it up. So i reluctantly got off the floor and started to rinse my arm. I decided i was going to take a shower. I don't know why i just felt dirty. I tried my best to get all the blood out of sight. I took a step back. Looks like nothing happened. If the boys found out. They would flip. They would think I'm crazy. God why do i have to be me just why.

I hoped into the shower. Hoping to calm me down fo the long day I'm going to have.

~~ Liam's point of view~~

I woke up to the sound of the shower going next to me. My room was the closest to the bathroom. I looked over at the clock and realized it was 2:30 am. Who in the right mind is taking a shower now!

I dragged myself out of he bed to go see who it was. I went over to everyone's room and found them all in bed. Well all except Niall. When i walked into his room it was a mess. His clothes were all over blankets thrown on the floor and even his desk was rummaged through. Weird usually he is a tidy person. I was in his room earlier and it was perfectly clean. The water in the shower stopped and i stepped out of his room. I didn't want him to think i was snooping. I waited outside the bathroom door since i had to use the bathroom anyway. And i heard him sigh heavily.

"Stupid just stupid" i leaned a little closer to the door. What was stupid? As i got a little closer the door opened.

"L-liam! You scared the shit out of me" he looked really frightened and worried. I was going to laugh but stopped and soon as i saw his face. It had tear marks and was bright red. What was wrong?

"Sorry mate just need to use the bathroom. Um Niall Why are you showering at this hour?" I saw him Fidget slightly.

His hair laid measly over his eyes he was wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants. He looked tiny since the clothes were so big.

"I couldn't sleep lad. I just went to sleep right after the concert so i decided to shower since i didn't then." He cracked a small smile and walked past me. "Anyway night Liam sorry for waking you" with that he was gone. I stood there in confusion. I mean it made sense i guess. But his face. It was all red and puffy. That's not normal Niall. Hopefully by tomorrow he'll cheer up.

~~Niall's point of view~~

After running into Liam i ran to my room. I closed the door and looked around. Damn i really trashed the place. My body was too tired to do anything about  it so i just plopped myself back into bed. I guess i did it a little too fast bc the pressure hit my cuts and i silently yelped.

Note to self don't move too fast.

I laid in bed with a weird sense of satisfaction on my face. I signed heavily when i heard Liam get out of the bathroom. Please don't come in here please don't come in here. It sounded like he paused for a second but walked back to his room. Thank god i can't lie to him much longer. He's dad of direction everyone tells him everything. At least i used to. My eyes became very heavy and i fell i to a deep dreamless sleep with the thought of

How the hell am i going to get through the photo shoot tomorrow.