Niall Horan (sad) one direction Ziall

"is he cutting?"

~~ Niall's point of view~~

There's no way that just happened. What just happened. ZAYN JUST KISSED ME?!?! Why would he do that? Maybe I'm so pathetic that he felt bad. that has to be it.

I feel a panic attack starting. I started to shake uncontrollably. What the fuck am i supposed to do? How will i ever face him again. What if he never wants to see me again.

hot tears flooded down my face fast. I rushed upstairs and into my room. I fell onto the floor and felt the panic attack starting to come.

The thing i hate most is that i love him. i HATE that i loved that. He's never going to talk to me again. Even if he was with me I'm a fucking mess. He deserves so much better then me. Someone who isn't a so messed up they are beyond repair. He deserve someone who I'll never be. He's too good for someone like me

After about half an hour the panic left my body and all i felt was sadness. Pure sadness. That kind of feeling that you don't know what to do with the sadness and it's so heavy you can't think straight. It's like the floor had took me under not letting me breath. I can't move off the ground.

Even though i tried to suppress it i couldn't help but feel something in my chest. Zayn kissed me. Even if he never talks to me again. He kissed me. I didn't kiss him. he choose to kiss me. My mouth curled upwards for only a second.

I know I'm unlovable. I know I'm worthless. I know I'm untalented. I know I'm useless. But now zayns kissed me. He's never going to look at me again now.

I never want to face him. I won't be able to handle it. Maybe. Just maybe. I should end it.

I shuttered at the thought. Sure i think about it everyday but the only reason. I haven't yet is for zayn. Now that zayn won't ever talk to me anymore. What's the point of living.

Before i could finish my thought i heard a knock on my door. My heart raced 100 miles a minute. I'm not ready to face zayn. I can't do this. I can't do this.

Panic struck my body again causing me to tremble. Right as i was about to collapse from anxiety i heard a voice talking. And it wasn't zayns.

"Niall. It's me harry. Please open the door" panic hit me again. Does he know what happened? Is he coming in here to yell at me?

I walked to the mirror wiping away my tears and putting on my hood to cover my swollen eyes and messy hair from the pulling. I walked to the door slowly self consciously pulling down my sleeves.

I opened the door to met Harry's worried green eyes.

"Hey Niall hows your hand?" Wait. He hasn't said anything about the kiss yet. Maybe zayn hasn't told him.

"I-it's fine" i refused to look up at him and looked at the floor.

"Niall are you ok" i hate this question. I hate it so much

" yeah yeah fine" i said it. But it wasn't convincing.

"Niall. We wanted to ask you before we do it because we don't want to get you mad. We want to call the manager and complain. Please let us it's unfair what they do to you." No no no they can't do that.

"NO! NO no. I'm fine. I don't need it. I want to work hard. Please don't worry about it." He was taken back. I don't know what he expected.