Niall Horan (sad) one direction Ziall

"One of those smiles"

~~ Niall's point of view~~

I woke up to a hand running up and down my hair. I shot my eyes open to only met them with zany's worried eyes. Not zayn. Anyone but zayn. 

I shot up curing myself into a ball under the blankets. Memories of what he saw flashed into my head. God dammit! Why did i have to sing that now?

"Zayn. Stop looking at me like that. I just had a panic attack no big deal" he didn't look convinced. At all. In fact he didn't even budge to move. Just kept looking at me. I felt my body shake under his look. I just wanted to disappear and cut...

Wait shit.

I slowly looked down at my arm. Thank god! The blood hasn't went through the bandage.

I cut deeper then i ever have before. I was so frustrated with zayn. The way he looked at me. And the way that he held me like he never wanted to let go. But i know it's all a lie. It has to be all a lie. No one can love me. Ever.

I got out of bed pulling down my sleeves and shoved him out of the door. He tried to protest but i told him i was just going to pack so we can leave.

**

About 2 hours my bags were packed and we sat in the living room about to go. I sat in the corner of the couch while the boys rushed around to pack. I looked up and met eyes with zayn. He looked amazing. His hair up by just his fingers. His eyes slightly red and lips a puffed out. I know i shouldn't be thinking like this. He's my band mate. One of my best mates. But you can't deny it really.

All the boys are talking to me like I'm some broken doll. They tried to make it like they see me no different but i can tell they are hiding something. Oh well i guess.

We got into the car with Liam driving. Louis isn't allowed to drive anymore. For. Reasons.

Louis sitting next to Liam still upset he isn't driving. Harry and zayn are in the front seats and me in the far back seat. They tried to get me to sit in the front but i told them i was too tired.

About half way into the car ride what makes you beautiful started to play on the radio

"AWWWWW THROW BACK! THATS US BOYS" Louis was screaming from the front seat as he turned up the volume. We were driving in the middle of no where so i doubt anyone would see us. He rolled down the windows all the way and they started.

" BABY YOU LIGHT UP MY WORLD LIKE NOBODY ELSE!" Me and zayn took off your ear buds as the rest of the boys started to scream the song.

"THE WAY THAT YOU FLIP YOUR HAIR GETS ME OVERWHELMED THE WAY YOU SMILE AT THE GROUND it AINT HARD TO TELL. YOU DONT KNOW OH OH YOU DONT KNOW YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!" Me and zayn jumped straight in. I hesitated at first but couldn't help myself.

"IF ONLY YOU SAW WHAT I CAN SEE! YOUD UNDERSTAND WHY I WANT YOU SO DESPERATELY! RIGHT NOW IM LOOKING AT YOU AND I CANT BELIEVE YOU DONT KNOW OH OH! YOU DONT KNOW YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL that's what makes you beautiful." We all finished quiet after screaming the whole song. After 5 seconds of silence we all broke down laughing.

"I THINK THATS THE BEST WE HAVE EVER SANG it EH NIALL?"

"I DO THINK SO MATE!" I was laughing my arse off with the boys. My smile  beaming ear to ear.

That was so much fun. I can't remember the last time I've had this much fun—. Oh yeah. I forgot. A sharp sting in my stomach came from laughing too much. My face dropped when i remembered. I had fresh cuts on my stomach. To top it off my stomach was grumbling. My body felt week from using that much energy. I'm a unwanted fuck up remember? The boys continued to laugh and scream but i just scrunched back into my corner. It was fun when it lasted it guess. I plugged in my ear buds again and scrolled through Twitter. No better way to remind myself how worthless i am then read a bunch of people telling me it.