Niall Horan (sad) one direction Ziall

"Always and forever-With him"

~~~Niall's point of view~~~

It was dark. Dark and cold.

You know how people say when you die you feel a sense of freedom. The freedom that i was hoping for. The whole point of everything i did.

This is definitely not it.

I feel trapped in my body that isn't moving. I've been like this for hours considering what i heard from the doctors. Yes i can hear just fine. I just can't move.

My brain started to go through memories. Hundreds of them. From when i was a baby. To when i joined the band. To where i am now. Trapped and cold.

All the happy and the sad memories past through me. over working brain. Funny how fast it is working and i can't even move my arm.

Many of my memories were were from when one direction started. The moment the band got put together. That memory was under inches of dust.

It sent shivers down my body. How could i have so many happy memories? I did this because i thought my life was nothing but sadness. Where is all of this from?

A specific person was in most of my memories. It's crazy how these memories of me and him were so recent and some of the best yet worst memories I've ever had. they are some of my best moments.

I love him so so much. Why did i still do it even though i love him so much i don't know. I guess the demons in my brain are just too strong.

I started to think about what happened right before i passed out. I can't stand see these memories and hear the hurt in zayns voice.

Zayn.

God how i miss zayn.

At least i told him i love him before i went.

Why did he chase after me. I wish he didn't. If he didn't i wouldn't be hanging between life and death. The only reason i haven't completely given up is the thought of zayn.

What is he doing right now? Is he sad? Did he get over me?

The memory of his sobs and desperation in his voice convinced me the the last one wasn't true.

I just need to see him again. That song that he sang to me and the meaningfulness in his voice is the only reason i didn't jump. He needs me. I need him.

I can't believe that he actually cares for me. And for once i have no doubt about it.

I have to see him again. I have to. as much as i don't want to see the rest of the world i need to see him. Just to apologize. If the world still hates me I'll go in a cleaner way next time. Make sure I'm really gone without pain to anyone.

But zayn. I have to apologize. I can't leave him like that.

That's it. Im waking up you hear me body. I'm waking up. I have to. I literally have to see him again. Hopefully it's not too late. Please tell me my body has more in it. Anything.

I tried again and again and again. I pushed my body as hard are possible. All my bones were telling me no. Not to get up. But i had to. I have to see him again. I need to know if he still loves me.

My body rejected my mind. I felt the blood rush though out my body. My brain about to explode.

For the reason I'm trying. For my best friend. For the love of my life. For zayn. i have to.

All of a sudden. It was like magic. I started to feel my body again. The feeling rushed all over sending my entire body into shock.

Pain sprung from every inch of my body. Hot tears ran down my face.