Niall Horan (sad) one direction Ziall

"Please wake up"

~~ Niall's point of view~~

I woke up the next morning with something holding me. I started to freak out thinking i was being kidnapped

Wait.

Zayn.

Ok shit i forgot about that. I turned my body to look at him. He was still sound asleep. Zayn isn't a morning person so probably won't be up for a while.

Fuck. Yesterday.

He said he loves me. Like me. Out of everyone in the whole entire world he said he loves me. Maybe he just meant it as friends. I've loved him for a long time. How could he possibly love me back.

I slowly up up from his hold. As much as i wanted to stay in it. I know i can't. It's all too good for me.

I walked to the bathroom. Lazily rubbing my face. When i took my hands away from my face i looked into the mirror taken back at my appearance.

I look so... fucking ugly. I-i. How could zayn say he loves this? I can pull up thousands of messages from people telling me how ugly i am. What could he possibly see. 

As much as i didn't want to. As much as my body told me i shouldn't. I know i have too. I'm not strong enough to fight the urge.

Zayn as been so sweet and so caring. But i just can't do it. The itch in my arms just won't let me.

I went into my draw opening up my box taking out the blade. It's been a few days since zayn has been none stop on me.

One for being weak

One for being scared

One for being sad

One for letting everyone down.

And one for believing zayn will ever love anyone like you.

I fell to the floor sobbing silently. Why am i like this? Why can't i just be normal and except the fact that he might like me.

I just can't believe it. Its impossible. But he's being so damn nice! This is zayn we are talking about. The one that disappears for days and doesn't do physical contact so much.

I hadn't realized my arm was still bleeding till i was sitting in a pool of my own blood. Fuck.

I got up wrapping my arm and cleaning the floor so there would be no evidence of what had happened.

When i was done i just sighed heavily looking into the mirror. I need to put on baggier clothes I look too big.

I changed into a oversized sweatshirt and sweat pants slipping out of the bathroom. I pulled my hood on walking out of the house. I heard Liam calling my name but i just ignored him. I have to go on my run.

***

After about 2 hours i made my way back to the house. The work out was the same as usual but today i felt like i was going to pass out. Probably because i haven't had anything to eat for days. It's starting to get to me badly

I just need water that's all.

I walked into the house and found Liam pacing the front door. I just walked past him into the kitchen to grab water.

"NIALL! Where have you been?" His voice echoed in my head. I feel so detached with my body i don't think I'll even be able to respond in full sentences.

"Out" i was able to say through the dizziness.

"Niall you can't just leave and not fucking tell us where you are going! I was worried sick!" At this point the boys had all gathered around the kitchen. Even zayn looking like he just woke up came running downstairs from Liam's voice.