Niall Horan (sad) one direction Ziall

"Maybe im not straight"

~~ Niall's point of view~~

I woke up the next morning as usual at 5am. I've been waking up hours before the boys because I've got things to do.

I got up slowly and made my way to the bathroom. I washed up putting on comfortable but warm clothes since it's winter and we are in the middle of no where in a cabin.

I went downstairs and out the back doors quietly. I doubt they would be up they don't get up will at least 10 on days we aren't working.

I got to the back door put in my ear buds and started to jog into the woods. I wouldn't go too far just far enough to get a work out. There's no gym in the cabin since all the boys would want to relax. I don't have time to relax. Not when i have to lose this much weight.

After a while of running i hit a lake. It was beautiful. The water was glittering even in the dark. A small waterfall was spilling into it. The trees caved over the waterfall as if it was hiding its source. It was breath taking.

I sat at where the water met the grass.  I looked up at the stars that were still shinning. The air was brisk. I felt a weird sense of relief. I wish i could always be like this. I had no worries here. No one can judge me here. I don't have to worry about how i look or how i sound.

I took a last deep breath and turned to run back this time sprinting to make up for the exercise i lost. I found a tree and started to do my abdominal work outs against it. Looking back at the time it was 6:30 meaning I'd have to head back.

And now everything is back. All the worry all the stress all the self hate. I almost forgot for a second how much i hated myself.

I walked back into the house and went upstairs and showered. When i work out i wear short sleeves since no one ever sees me. It gives me a reminder of why i work out seeing my cuts.

But now I'd have to conceal them once again. I put on a very oversized sweatshirt and a pair of tighter sweats so i won't look like a total pillow case.

I think Maybe i could watch a movie or actually relax a little i haven't in a while actually— ring ring— ok maybe not.

"Hey Niall." I heard Paul from the other line in a very flat tone. I'm not surprised none of them really liked me since i was the fans least favorite.

"Listen Niall I'm emailing over a few songs you have to come up with the cords for it. I only have the lyrics. The boys gave them to me before they left on break. So now i need you to write the rest." How is this fair? I want to relax too.

"B-but i already turned in 4 songs before i left that were finished." My voice was a whisper scare that Paul would punish me again.

" Listen Niall i don't care if you want to be as good as the other boys - which it's a long shot- you need to work harder for this band. You are letting them down. As always." I sighed.

"Fine when do u need them by?"

"By tonight 5 the latest."

"WAIT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT? It takes me days to do one!"

" DONT RAISE YOUR VOICE AT ME BOY.i own you. I can send you to HIM again do you here me?" I gulped in fear. I know he can do that and i never want to do that again.

"F-fine im sorry send them over" he hung up straight after that. I went to the computer in the music room and opened the file. 4 NEW SONGS?!? One from each boy. That's what they had to do before break. I had to do 4 songs! Write and play them!

I closed the door in the mostly sound proof room and started to work. I can't let the boys down. That's all i ever seem to do. Plus this will hurt. And i deserve the pain.