"I cant do this"

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~~~Niall's point of view~~~
I was nervous. And i mean very very nervous. The whole ride i was shaking. And not to mention trying very hard to not pay attention to the throbbing pain in my arms and legs. God I'm so stupid. How am i going to last today.

To top it all off my stomach was majorly cramping. It's been a while since I've eaten. For some reason the hunger pains made me proud. Like i was finally doing something right for once. If i can control one thing it's going to be my weight.

As we approached the place i started to get scared. Very very scared. I didn't even realize i was shaking.

"Niall! Are you ok? You're shaking" i heard Liam's voice and tried my best just to brush it off.

"Yeah yeah I'm good." I shrank into my seat and all the boys were burning there eyes in my soul. I pulled my hoodie over my head and the boys took it as a signal to look away. Thank god i couldn't take them looking at me.

Since when was i so uncomfortable with attention?

We got out of the car and went into the place. We were pulled into a room and clothes were on a rail. The boys started to throw off there clothes and put on what had their names on it. I just stood back for a second.

I can't undress in front of them. I took my stuff and started to walk towards the bathrooms.

"Hey Niall where are you going?" Louis shouted from behind. I looked down at the floor before turning around to face the boys. They were all shirtless. I looked down to realize this photo shoot was supposed to be shirtless. My heart dropped in my stomach.

I can wear this.

I looked at the boys. They all stood shirtless each one of them built and perfect. They looked like actually models. They are skinny. They have perfect body's and perfect faces. Why can't i be like them.

Tears started to fill up in my eyes. I didn't know what to do. I was frozen in place. I can't wear this. Even without my cuts I'm too fat and ugly to wear it. I didn't even realize the boys were coming closer to me. I heard zayn say something.

"Niall?" I heard him. But i wasn't listening. I ran to the bathroom as fast as i could locking myself in the stall.

I slid to the floor and just cried. With everything that was inside me i cried.

~~ zany's point of view~~

The whole car ride my eye was on Niall. I was watching his face. It kept changing. Like he was thinking deeply about somethin he kept glaring at his arm. What was on his arm?

We were pulling into the venue when he started to violently shake. He looked like he was going to cry and explode at the same time. Liam was the first one to speak up.

"Niall! Are you ok? You're shaking" all the boys attention were now on Niall. He shrunk his whole body into the chair trying to hide.

"Yeah yeah I'm good" he didn't sound convincing. Not at all actually. I decided to just watch him.

We got into the venue and we all went to throw on our clothes. We have all seen each other naked so we didn't bother go in a different rooms. I looked up after slipping on the jeans and the no shirt. Niall stood completely frozen. He looked lost and scared in his eyes.

He grabbed his clothes off of the rack and started to run to the bathroom. Louis noticed too and decided to speak up.

"Hey Niall where are you going?" He looked back at us. He stood and looked at us in shock. It's like we was looking at our body's but hiding his own.

Niall Horan (sad) one direction Ziall Where stories live. Discover now