Diseased - {Caminah} ✔️

{ONE}

In and out, in and out.

That's all it ever is for me at my local Narcotics Assistance (NA) center.

I have no money to afford actual help, it seems. My parents still send me funds every month, but only just enough for the essentials.

Sober and sane, or high and in pain.

That's all my life ever is anymore.

They think that they can fix me by sending me to a bunch of meetings where all anyone ever hears is how sobriety is a delicate thing.

That's great and all, but news flash, none of us in there know what sobriety even means anymore. And especially not someone like myself.

My name is Dinah Jane, I'm eighteen and I'm a drug addict. I don't wanna sound like one of those cliché documentary drugees who do their damndest in scaring the shit out of little kids, but let's get one thing straight.

I have issues. Major issues.

I started smoking weed when I was fourteen because I was depressed and abused by my biological father.

After I realized that wasn't enough, a year and a half later, I turned to cocaine and other drugs.

Some time after that, I introduced heroin into my body. I don't remember exactly when, because I was already at a pretty low point in my life at that time. And while I didn't think I would've ever turned to opioids, here we are.

I'm not gonna be the one to tell you that drugs are bad, but I will be the one to tell you how horrible my life is now.

I do whatever I can get my hands on, or more so whatever keeps me from wanting to vomit 24/7.

There are not many people out there who can help me. Not many willing to, is what I really mean.

My only real friend is Lauren Jauregui who's in the NA with me at the moment. She was one of my good friends before I dropped out of highschool, and she kinda went down the same path I did.

Anyway, it's not like the meetings aren't interesting, it's more like I lost all hope in ever becoming sober again. And well, yeah, the meetings kinda do suck.

But it's mostly because being sober starts with the user themself. And if I have no will to be a better person, it probably won't happen.

I literally live in a fucking drug house, for God's sake. Addicts of every age live in these places just cause they got no where else to go, like me.

I'm surrounded by my mistakes, so how can I even hope to face them if I can't seem to stand my ground?

Anyways, our group leader Demi Lovato always seems pretty chill. She's dealt with relapse n' shit so I'll probably ask her for some advice. I mean, she basically gave me a reason to try and be sober again with the NA group.

Who knows? Maybe I can still try get some money outta her, my funds are running real low.

Eh, who am I kidding? I must sound like an idiot.

"Hey, DJ!" A voice called out from behind me.

I looked over my shoulder, only to see Lauren standing there. I'd arrived at the location of our meeting, preparing myself for whatever mentally degrading topic we were going to discuss that day.

"Lo, it's too early for you to be screaming across the parking lot." I joked in reply, taking time to emphasize my statement as I yawned.

Lauren scoffed. "You're such a bum, y'know?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, that's only cause I've been dealing with you since day one, remember."

She laughed, and with that, we headed inside the building.

As we entered the meeting room, Demi greeted us. "Dinah and Lauren, glad you two could make it." She greeted.

I gave her a quick nod, and Lauren waved. We then took our seats.

Once everyone else settled down, Demi began the meeting. "Alright people, you know the drill."

We all rehearsed the Serenity Prayer.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." The whole room said in unison.

The rest of the meeting was basically the same as every other one. Discussions, stories, readings... you name it.

After it was over, I said my goodbyes to Lauren, though I would indefinitely see her there again the next day anyway.

"Dinah," Demi called my name just moments before I was about to leave the meeting room.

I looked back at her, waiting for her to continue.

"Come here." She made a gesture with her hand, signifying for me to get closer.

I did as I was told, and walked up to her.

"How are you doing with everything?" She asked. "You're the only one who rarely ever shares anything with the group."

"I don't see why it matters." I answered, shrugging. "You of all people know how that feels, I imagine."

Demi sighed. "Doesn't mean you can't give it a try. I'm here to help you, Dinah, and everyone else is here to listen, too. You're not alone, and you know that. So what is it that's holding you ba—?"

"I'm fucking hopeless." I hissed at her. "I can't change anything, this is the path I've chosen and it's the one I plan to stay on."

"Here," Demi handed me a card. "Keep this safe, it has my number and contact info."

"And you're right, Dinah. I do know exactly what you're talking about. But suffering is a choice, and happiness is something you have to believe in to achieve." She explained. "You can't keep resisting happiness without ever giving it another shot."

I stared back at her knowing eyes, then looked to the ground sheepishly.

"You're right. I'm sorry for lashing out at you." I apologized.

"It's alright," Demi smiled at me. "Just think about what I told you."

I nodded, and took my leave.

Truth is, I didn't think about what she had said to me at all.

~