Futility [Completed]

Five: Prosperous

"I don't blame youth, I just blame myself for not wanting to grow up"- Othello

"Karu hurry up!" she heard Marcus voice from the living room. She was busy preparing foods with the help of Gray and Hence for Marcus graduation party.

It's been five months of struggle for Marcus and Karu didn't graduate with him, Sharp let her help him as a working student. Gray still help them a lot too and Karu also glad that finally Marcus was done and it's time to face the new challenges to his life.
"Finally!" Marcus said while holding a cup of juice, they all gathered outside to have a barbeque party.
"Hey! Here is my gift for you." suddenly Othello stand up and give his present to Marcus.
"Oh? A gift?" Marcus asked.
"Oh~ Othello" They teased Othello.
"Shoes?" Marcus said when he opened the gift from Othello,
"I earn some extra money, so I decided to buy a gift for you" After Othello said that, they all give a thumbs up to him.
"Good job Othello, you didn't use that extra money to buy more pointless books and lollipops" Hence teases Othello.
"Stop teasing him" Karu said while she was heading to the kitchen.
"Oh, I will help you" Gray said.
"Karu bring out more ice please" Othello's favor.

After I asked a favor from Karu, I looked at Sharp. He looks fine from the outside, but I am still worried about their future. Somehow I don't like the idea of Gray helping them for almost half a year, but in the other side we all his friends and they need us. While I was on my deep thoughts, I heard my alarm.

"I need to go. It's my part-time job" they look at me with their sad face.
"Why?" I asked them and Yuan looked at me.
"Part-time job? Again?" Yuan added.
"Bye. See you tomorrow!" I hurriedly left the place. When I arrived at the gasoline station my boss already scolded me for being late.

"Marcus, can you bring this another set of barbeque outside?" I nod at Gray's instruction. When I went outside, Othello is nowhere to be found.
"Where is Othello?" I asked them.
"He has a part-time job" Yuan said while eating.
When Yuan said that, I look at the box of shoes that Othello gave to me earlier, suddenly someone pats me in my back.
"Marcus are you okay? Is there a problem?" Gray asked me.
"Nothing, I just want to thank him again for giving me this" I said to him and point out the gift.
"Don't be just thankful." Sharp said from the corner. There was a silent at that moment.
"What are you talking about?" I ask him and Sharp stand up, he suddenly looks pissed off.
"He can't even have a decent sleep and eat one meal a day to buy you that, because you keep bragging out on that since last month!"
"Sharp what are you talking about?" I heard Hence asked him.
"You want that shoes as a graduation gift right? You don't want to bother your parents about it because you don't want them to buy you and instead you talk about that to us. Othello heard it and he wants you to have that!" I was shocked. I didn't mean to do that and push one of them to buy it for me.
"What?" I don't know how to react to this.
"I never thought like that, Sharp. I just-" I try to explain to them how much I feel guilty and I am wondering why Othello said he has an extra money to buy this shoes? Why did he do that? Out of my frustration, I run outside.
"Where do you think you are going?" I heard Gray's voice and Yuan was behind Gray, following us.
"Where his part-time job? Answer me!" I was shouting aggressively.
"Marcus calm down" Gray trying to control the situation.
"Where!?" I start to scream again,
"On the gas station, few blocks away from your school" Yuan said, I already knew where it was.

The three of them went to Gray's car and drive away. When they arrived, Gray park the car near the gas station. As Marcus approach the place, he saw Othello sitting on the cold floor waiting for the customer on the middle of the night, while he eats his lollipop.
"Marcus don't" Gray try to stop me, I face him with my teary eye
"Let me go, I just want to ask him why"
"We all know how Othello is so sensitive when it comes to his personal matters"
"I know Gray. Just once, let me talk to him" I begged him.
"I hate to accept his gift knowing the fact the he is suffering" Marcus thoughts while he was walking towards Othello. Marcus saw Othello's shoes, full of dirt. He can't stop his tears to fall down, he was hurt by seeing all of this. Marcus felt a burden for his friend. When Othello saw Marcus he stands up.
"What are you doing here, you supposed to-" Marcus kneel in front of him and untie Othello's shoelaces.
"What are you doing?!" Othello begins to be confused by the sudden action. When he finally notices that Marcus will be going to remove his shoes, he yells at the younger.
"Marcus!! I said what are you doing?!" Othello grabbed Marcus collar and he saw him in tears.
"Why did you do that? Why!?" Marcus finally says a word, Othello let go his collar and stare at him.
"Why?! Why you bought this while you are suffering!?" Marcus shouted while staring at the floor.
"I hate all of you when you look tired and sad! Why?!" he added.
"I also hate that you are crying in front of me, Marcus." Othello said to Marcus and trying to calm him down.
"Answer me, Othello, why did you do that?" The two boys are now both sitting on the cold floor of the gas station.
"Because you're my friend and I can't do anything for you since that incident" Othello's words made Marcus frown.
"Are you still blaming yourself?" Marcus looked at him and Othello nods.
"Stop! I blame Youth for that! I blame the world for letting my brother die! Don't blame yourself" Marcus burst into tears and Othello immediately hug him and he knows that the younger one was still hurt from the past.
"Don't do that again. I want you to eat more, to live your life to the fullest. Buy yourself decent shoes and clothes. Don't eat lollipops and eat a proper meal" Marcus said while he still in the comfort of Othello's hug.
"Marcus, don't be such a kid okay?" Othello looks at him but there is no response from him, as the long silent invade them. Othello begins to look up at the dark sky full of stars.
"You know if he is still alive, he will be so proud of you." I look at Marcus and he finally shows his smile.
"But the real thing is he is not here, tell me Othello how do I keep dreaming if he is not around anymore? How do I keep my promise, without him seeing all these things?"
"You really know the answer here Marcus. Just keep on searching and you will answer it right away" When I look at him, he looks satisfied with my answer.
"Why did you give up your scholarship?" he asked me out of nowhere while looking also at the stars.
"How?" I asked him.
"I know my parents are your sponsors, why don't you accept it?"
"I can't Marcus, I don't want any help. Since my parents died, yours was already helping me and I can't accept it anymore. I can support myself now-" Marcus suddenly cut my words,
"That's why when Dylan died you also stop coming to school?"
"Maybe, I don't know either"
"Did you give up because he was dead?"
"No, that's not the problem here Marcus"
"Then don't blame yourself" I saw tears escaped from his eyes again. I lower my head.
"I can't help to blame myself from the incident, Marcus. Your brother is one of my closest friends, we are at the same age. My eyes were blind at that time and I didn't notice that he has a problem. With those reply saying 'okay' or 'I'm fine' was the most dangerous answer ever that I heard from him and as a friend, I didn't know he was suffering more than what I thought he is"
"Same as mine, I thought he was so brave to face all of his battles because he was the oldest. I am wrong, not because he is the older he has no right to be weak. He has but he refused to and act like nothing is happening to him. And you're right those words are definitely dangerous for someone who was suffering than we thought he is, those words helping the scars to hide for the others sake and in reality it's not."
"And we both don't know that one winter night will change our whole life" I added.