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"i'm telling you my story not because i want to but because i need to."
Namjoon lets out a shaky breath which makes Jia look at him in concern. she doesn't want him to do anything he isn't comfortable with. "it'll help me." he reassures her. "and i know you'll listen and hear it just as my story."
Namjoon seems to be convincing himself more than anyone else, that him opening up is a good thing. "there's no judgement with you Jia and i trust you like you trust me." he smiles at her politely.
so Namjoon starts a tale, pretending he's reading a book. "my story is a story i wish went differently." and he sighs. "it's not a story that i want you to feel sad about or feel pity and sympathy."
"i don't need anymore of that." he thinks of his past and a shiver runs down his spine. "all i want is for you to listen."
Jia nods. "i'm here for you."
so Namjoon talks about himself in third person, finding it easier. "young Namjoon grew up wanting to change the world, be a superhero that many people loved and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with his mama and papa."
"he was the only child and wanted another sibling which his parents said no to." which makes him and Jia laugh.
"he wasn't a trouble child. he was the only child and his parents spoilt him regardless." and isolated childhood memories, superb ones he once cherished appear in his mind, him falling off his bicycle and his mama making a fuss about his bruise, his papa picking him up on top of his shoulders and letting him have coke when he wasn't supposed to and them having a lively, joyful Christmas.
"they tried their best to make time for him as they were both working hard." he thinks about his parents and how different things are in the present. "being the doctors that they were and no longer are." they're retired and tired of life.
just like everyone else.
"so the times they couldn't care for me, i had a babysitter." Namjoon looks to the sky, hoping for guidance to continue with his pitiful, dismal story. "a middle aged lady, a friend of my mama's, who gave me candy whenever she saw me."
"little did i know she was about to ruin my childhood." he scoffed.
"she became a place i became used to but a place i wanted to run away from."
