When We Part (on hold)

391 Days

When I woke up, I was not in my bed.

No, I was on the couch, lying practically on top of Gerard. It took me a moment to realize what had happened last night. I figured it was just a dream, until I looked down and saw what I was wearing. That is to say, I wasn't wearing anything. Neither was he. And little cogs and machines started whirring around in my brain and all of these fantastic little memories flashed by. My fingers absently traced shapes on Gerard's chest. I got up to go put some clothes on, goosebumps raising all over my arms. Why was this damn apartment so cold?

Gerard stirred at my absence, and watched me walk into the room. He wolf-whisted, calling, "Nice ass babe!" I laughed, rolling my eyes and flipping my middle finger in the air. I pulled on some of Gerard's pajamas, breathing his scent in.

"Aw no clothes yet," he groaned. "We were just getting started."

"Very funny," I said.

"You're not bad for a virginal nerd," he joked.

"Just nerd now," I replied.

+++

That night was rough. I caught Gerard chugging down a beer quickly, trying not to get caught.

"Put it down Gerard," I said sternly.

"I can't," he said. "I can't, I can't, I can't. I need it. I need it Frankie."

"No you don't Gerard," I started cautiously. "You don't need it. Put the bottle down. We can get through this, but you have to put the bottle down.

He shook his head, sobbing and shaking.

"I can't do it Frank!" he yelled.

"Yes you can," I repeated. "We can get through this."

"I'M GOING TO DIE AN ADDICT!" He screamed.

"Gerard please!" I pleaded. "Just give it to me."

"I can't!" he yelled. You could tell he was drunk. I'm not sure what else he drank, but he wasn't holding up.

"Give it to me," I commanded.

At that point, Gerard slammed the bottle onto his head. Glass shattered and flew with beer. It splattered onto the white linoleum of the kitchen, the white walls of the apartment. Blood trickled down Gerard's face. He was sobbing and screaming louder.

"I'M SORRY!" he screamed. "I'M NOT OKAY!"

"You're going to be okay-"

"I SAID I'M NOT O-FUCKING-KAY!" he shouted. I felt that unshakeable feeling knot itself into my stomach.

I dusted glass off of his head and shoulders, trying to get rid of that feeling. The feeling of compete despair, from seeing him this way.

"Shh," I whispered, hugging him gently. "It'll be okay."

His frigid rage died, being replaced with sadness. He sobbed into May shoulder, his arms wrapped around me. I rubbed his back soothingly, getting him to calm down a bit.

"See?" I said, patting his back as his sobs became quiet. "We're okay."

He sniffled, resting his head on my shoulder.

"We can't keep doing this Gerard," I sighed. "I love you, but we need you to get better."

"I'll get better," he whispered hauntingly, "I promise."

I felt tears glazing over my eyes, threatening to pour over the surface. I didn't want him to see me cry. He was dealing with so much emotion already, he didn't need to feel shitty about how much it hurts me to see him this way.

When Gerard's drunk, it's like he's not there. He's replaced with young child who can't control himself, or his feelings. Everything that wells up in sober Gerard explodes when he drinks. And he can never have just one drink. It's starts off with one, then just two, and suddenly he's smashing a bottle over his head. It's tiring, and sad. It's so sad to watch. My stomach tangles itself up every time I see it happen. He always waits till I'm gone or asleep to go out and buy the booze, sneaking it into the apartment late at night. Then he'll hide it, hoping I don't find it. He'll usually save it for when he feels really low, which is rather odd because other than that he has no self control. I'll find him when he's wasted. It doesn't happen very often, usually after a long time sober, once in a blue moon. It's a great disappointment every time.

"Alright," I said, throwing him a fake smile. "Go wait in the living room while I sweep up this glass. No!-- Don't cut your foot for the love of god... there you go."

+++

A day passed, Gerard slept most of his hangover off.

I stood in front of the mirror, admiring my new tattoo. Susie looked wonderful, with a look of mischief filling her eyes. I was rather fond of her. She was in this permanent state of existential bliss, with her smiling eyes and freckles cheeks.

I wanted to be like that someday

+++

My phone buzzed. This was an odd occurrence, as I never get calls. I'll get the occasional text from Gerard when he's out or working, but never calls. I hastily picked it up, my worst fear becoming true as I saw who was calling me.

My mother.

I pressed the ignore call button, and sighed heavily. I hadn't talked to her since she blamed me for what my father did. She used to try to call me, leaving me desperate voice mails. After a while though, she stopped doing it. I'm not sure if she didn't care anymore, if she got the hint, or if she was just tired.

I'd say all three.

A few moments later, my phone buzzed again, this time I got a text from her.

Mom: I'm so sorry Frank. Believe-

Delete.

Mom: if you can please forgive-

Delete.

Mom: Frankie, I-

I didn't bother reading the rest. I quickly typed a response, my blood beginning to boil.

Me: Don't call me Frankie. Only one person can call me that and it's no longer you. Stop trying to talk to me mom. I don't think you understand how serious what you said was, and I don't think I'm going to be able to forgive you. Stop talking to me.

She saw it a few minutes later. I never got a text back.

A/N

Howdy.

Sorry for the short chapter :(

Okay so I just started my first year of high school yesterday! so exciting but um yeah high school sucks and I hate it. I might not be able to post as frequently, but I will always try my best.

In other news I just wrote the rough draft for the last two chapters and wow holy shit you guys might love me or hate me. But I can't wait until you guys read it. Honestly I'm so stoked.

Anywho when you guys vote and add to your reading lists/libraries I cry tears of happiness. I live to read your comments so fucking leave me some.

Thank you for reading, my loyal biscuits.

-maddie