When We Part (on hold)

339 Days

I laced up my shoes, sighing as the weather was beginning to get cold again. I hated cold months intensely. I could get by in the heat of summer, but cold was paralyzing. My arms then slid into the sleeves of my jacket, zipping it up. I silently wished I'd brought more winter clothes when I'd moved out. Somehow, it slipped my mind that I'd not always be enjoying warm breezes.
"Are you sure you want to go?" Gerard called from the couch.
"Yeah," I sighed, "We can barely afford this shithole. I need to get a job."
"Maybe we could move out," Gerard agreed.
"Or buy some actual furniture," I added, gesturing to the boxes on either end of the couch, (end tables) and the ones put together in front of it, (coffee tables).
He nodded silently, and then said, "I think we should just get out of the Midwest. I mean, we're still stuck in our hometown for god sake."
"Maybe someday." I replied. "Well I have to go now. I love you."
"I love you too."
With that I left the apartment complex. It was cold and wet, slushy rain. We weren't quite ready for snow, but thunderstorms and hail had long since passed. I shivered into my coat and began walking. I really wished we'd had a car. Our town was rather small and generally easy to travel by foot or bike in, but on days like these a car seemed like a beautifully realistic luxury. Frigid water seeped into my shoes and soaked my socks. Perfect.
After walking for a few minutes with freezing feet, I came up to my first of three job options. This one happened to be my least favorite. McDonalds.
I pushed the door open, and warmth greeted me brightly. Goosebumps smoothed into my skin. I walked up to the cashier and said, "I saw you guys were hiring, and I came to fill out an application."
The cashier, a blonde girl with big hoop earrings that were clearly not a part of the regulated uniform, smacked her gum (which I'm surprised she was allowed to consume at a restaurant) and replied, "Let me get the manager."
She disappeared for a moment and brought back with her a tall and burly man. He had sweet and sour sauce in his mustache.
"You need an application?" he said stupidly.
"Yes," I returned awkwardly. He disappeared again and returned with a little packet.
"Here ya're son," he said, handing me the packet.
"Thanks," I ended the exchange, taking in from him. I slipped it under my jacket before returning outside.
I went through this process again twice again, once at a record store at the edge of town, once at a little coffee shop closer to home. I often went to both of these places, though they were mostly populated by indie-loving art students and bloggers who abided by indie-loving-art-student-and-blogger code.
I sighed and returned into the sleetish rain, and bean my miserable way home. Water seeped into my jeans and shoes again, chilling me to the bone. The sooner I get home, I thought bitterly, the sooner I can be not soaked to my skivvies. What a thought, what a marvelous prospect. The Midwest had the worst of all the seasons. Scalding hot temperatures in the summer, rigidly freezing cold weather in the winter. I remembered last year we had snow on the ground till April. And after summer it was still in the upper eighties until Halloween.
I hated it there. I wanted to get out, just me and Gerard. Maybe we'd move some place nice, like Washington or California. Have our own life, our own friends. Forget about the problems and nasty, stale memories that came with living in this haunted town.
I finally reentered the apartment, but only after water had soaked through my jacket, sweater, and t-shirt. I was shaking and shivering, almost too tired and cold to stand.
"Hey Frank," Gerard said, turning on the couch to see me. "Oh my god are you okay?"
"Yeah," I nodded, teeth chattering. "Just a little wet is all."
"A little wet is all?" He asked incredulously. "A little wet my ass! Frank, you're shaking all over!"
He got up and came toward me, pulling off my jacket.
"Jesus Christ, you're fucking soaked," he added, "and freezing nonetheless. Lift up your arms."
I obliged, raising my arms over my head. He tugged my sweater and my shirt up in one at the hem. He lifted them off of me and walked to the sinking. Putting the shirt over the sink, he wrung out enough water to fill a glass.
"Oh Frank," he murmured, returning to me and wrapping his arms around my bare torso.
"We need a car," I sighed, returning his hug, partially out of necessity as he was an amazing source of heat.
"I know we do."
His fingers traced the back of my neck, running over little baby hairs that now stood on edge. I cling to him tighter, not wanting to go cold again. He left a kiss on my jaw, soft. I whimpered, bringing him in closer. God I needed him. It struck me how dependent upon him I was, and how I needed more of him. When he touched me, I need more. When he spoke, I needed more. When he was with me, I needed more.
"Your jeans are wet," he muttered, slipping two fingers in my waistband. He yanked down the soppy fabric, letting it fall at my ankles. I kicked them off, along with damp socks.
"Fucking November," I said.
His hands ran down my spine, all the way down my thighs and all in-between.
"Fucking November," he repeated, smirking and grabbing my ass.
A little noise left my mouth, leaving me to him.
[x]
"You ready?" I asked. "You have to be at the group session in twenty minutes Gerard."
"Almost," he replied flustered, jamming his foot into his shoe. His socks didn't match, his pants had holes in the knees which would undeniable freeze as soon as they touched the air outside, and his hair was half tied up in a ponytail. "I fucking slept in again."
"Mm," I said absently. "Your hair is getting shaggy."
I ran a finger through his dark strands, which were unwashed and oily at the time.
"I need a haircut," he agreed exasperatedly. He always got that way when he feared being late. "Shit. Can you hand me my jacket?"
Abidingly, I grabbed his coat from the new table and pair of chairs that sat next to the kitchen. We'd picked them up at some garage sale for five bucks. It wasn't very nice or pretty, but I loved it. Those little things always made me feel closer to him, like it somehow signified a commitment. If you build up a house together, you try harder to keep that house beautiful. You buy kitchen chair instead of beanbags and you develop all these average goals, that are sometimes better than the big ones.
He slid the coat on and kissed me on the cheek.
"Love you!" He yelled as he ran out of the door. It swung closed with a thud.
"I love you too," I said, staring at the closed door.
I wished we would have that life. That average, wonderful life. A life in which we were neither living off of ramen or eating meals fit for a king. We could have a house with two stories and a porch swing. I'd sit in it on chilly fall mornings with a cup of coffee in my hand, orange fiery leaves contrasting against the soft, overcast, grey sky.
These wishes I had were uncontrollable and idealistic, but I had no clue how I could be like that. I was just an unemployed teen living and bumming off of his boyfriend in the middle of the god-forsaken Midwest. People with those good lives weren't like me. I wasn't a porch swing person.
Gerard was though. I could see him happily rocking himself to sleep in a rocking chair, old and frayed at the seams. White hair would sprout from his head and he could be surrounded by little grandchildren, and have a little puppy. The dog would only live the rest of Gerard's life too. A good ten years and they'd be in their last legs. Together. An oddly morbid sentiment, but it made me feel happy. Gerard would find happiness, in his average life. I was sure. He was a porch swing person.
A/N
AYYYYYYYE IM BACK OH GOD IM SORRY
so yes I haven't updated this since September I'm a bad person.
I've kind of been having writers block and student stress so I haven't really been able to make my best work. It's no excuse, so please forgive me.
I'm doing a bit of rewriting so some parts of the plot may change due to this. I'll try to make previous readers aware of this when something changes.
Please make sure to vote and add to your reading lists if you'd like it, and leave me a comment c:
THANKS FOR READING!!
-Maddie