Save Yourself from Me

Chapter 60

Riley's Pov

Two days before my appointment, I had a severe 'attack'. The demons consumed me and I nearly drowned, but then Andy held me the way Kye used too and we waited it out until the sun came up, but then we realised that was not enough, I nearly overdosed with the meds to get it to go away, I spent the next two days in a drugged up sleep.

We were on our way to the hospital now and Andy had barely slept the last few days because of me. I was feeling guilty, but I was also feeling really scared, once I was put under anaesthesia, would the demons be able to get a hold of me? The thought kept running through my mind until I could no longer take it.

I bounced in my seat until we pulled up outside and for a while, neither of us moved, we just sat there staring at the building, in silence. Taking a deep breath, I turned to face Andy and he silenced my fears with a kiss, that reminded me that I was not alone.

"No matter what happens, I'm gonna be here for you." He pulled me closer as he kissed my forehead before looking into my eyes. I could see the fear and the love warring in his eyes like it would be the death of him. I forced a smile to hide my fears before I pulled back and got out of the car so that I don't break down and run away instead.

I stood outside the door and he held my hand, guiding my steps until we sat in the doctor's office and had a last rundown of the procedure before going in. Once the doctor started speaking it felt like I had left my body, I could barely focus on what he was saying, a small voice whispering in my ear was distracting me.

"We're waiting for you, Riley. Come to us, let go of everything." I felt the darkness and fear grow until I heard a familiar voice call to me.

"Riley. Riley, can you hear me?" Andy's voice brought me back to the moment and I blinked as I look at him. I nodded slowly, the wrinkle between his eyebrows confirms that it's happening more frequently, where I seem to space out. He squeezes my hand and the faces the doctor, "It's been happening more after the last episode." He clarifies and looks at me again.

"Are you ready?" I nod but I can't fake my smile this time. The doctor nods and stands and we stand as he rounds the table, "I'll give you guys a moment." I nod and look at Andy, the blue of his eyes, like the morning sky, drawing me in.

"You're going to be okay. I'll be waiting for you." His hushed voice warming me. He stares at me like he's trying to commit everything to memory and then his lips are on mine. He kisses me like he will never be able to kiss me again and at that moment, I felt the whole pieces of my heart break again. I held on for dear life until there was a knock that sounded and pulled us out of the moment.

We both take a step back and turn to the door. This is it, the time to get started. I let go of his hand and walked in front of him, clenching my empty fists but I don't say anything and when we're about to be separated, Andy's voice calls my name once more.

"Riley," I stop, but I don't dare to turn around and look at him. "Riley, I'll be waiting, I..." I shake my head, my fists clenched, nails digging into my palms as my chest tightens, the tears on the verge of falling and I turn the corner without saying it, without bringing myself to be strong enough to say it.

I'm prepped for the procedure and once I'm laying on the table, I feel the panic take a hold of me once again and I grab the nurses arm, I can no longer hold back the tears before they start the anaesthesia.

"Andy, I didn't tell him..." I choke and try to take a deep breath. The nurse smiles, warm and charming as she pats my hand.

"I'm sure he knows and if he doesn't you can tell him afterwards." She nods her head and I mirror her nodding before she places the mask on my face and I breathe in, my vision dimming and my eyes close, going under.

As my body gets heavier and my eyes close, the warm tears cascading down my face, the darkness that surrounds me is eerily quiet and as soon as I can no longer feel my body, there is a rage of noise that crashes into me, swallowing me whole, the last thing I see before the nothingness is Andy's face covered in tears, that day at the motel.