Walking into my dorm room all I felt was nervousness. My stomach was in knots and with my mom handing me the last box of my stuff my stomach dropped. Staring at my mother I thought "Welp, this is it". We said our goodbyes and she left.
A 10-hour ride and a 40-minute drop off and she was gone and I was left there alone.
3-hours of that ride I was so proud to be showing my mother the university I was going to. I'm the first one in my family to be moving away to college and I just wanted my mother to praise me, to tell all her friends about her daughter that's away at college.
6-hours into the ride and my excitement was winding down and my daydreaming of my mothers praise started vanishing. I don't know why I would think she would show me an ounce of pride but I should know better than that
9-hours. We're almost there but by this point, I just don't want to be in the car with my mother. All She does is insult the scenery around her and with each insult my box with chains gets tighter. Why can't she just be proud?
I know she loves me yet is it so hard to let it be known
we're almost there and I sink lower into my seat and I feel like crying. Maybe I should have just chosen a school closer to home.
My mother's agitated and I know it's from sitting in the car for so long but with her agitation growing the more I fell like I'm just a bother. All I want is for her to be happy and my past contradicts me.
Past actions cancel out my present actions. Once a black sheep always a black sheep.
I watch her walk down the stairs and she looks up at me and there are tears in her eyes and with our last farewells, I close the door.
Staring at the empty room piled with boxes I'm glad my roommate isn't home
My throat swells and my eyes water with unshed tears... My phones dying and all I want is to talk to someone
I sink down onto the ground sitting next to the bathroom in a nook. I don't want to be seen just in case my roommate comes home.
Sobbing I hold on to myself as one of the chains on my box snapped
I felt so lonely, unwanted, I felt like I was being forgotten
