Graduation. That is the goal.
For years all I have heard is that I MUST continue my education. Growing up I couldn't even say the word college. "No" my mother would cut me off mid-sentence "University".
Well, mom, I did it. I went to a University. I followed the path you pointed to. I knew nothing else and thought nothing else. Although it was her dream for me it also became MY dream.
Well, mom, I did it. I find out you didn't even believe in me. You thought I would drop out within a few months. All the family did.
Well, mom, I DID IT. I was graduating within four years. My goal nearing its end.
Finally at the stage to receive my diploma. I strutted across it with a grin on my face. My eyes saying I was First. Nearing the end of the stage I held up my diploma, like a Viking with a bloody head. Then I stepped off that stage and I was left afloat.
All my life all I knew was school. It was an integral part of me and now that is wasn't I was unsure of my next steps.
I knew I needed to get a job but I was warry. So I said I was taking a "vacation" before I started to look for a job.
I said it would be easy. I have a lot of experience. I believe in myself so surely I was going to get hired quickly.
After a few months of my "vacation", I started to apply. More time has passed and I have yet to even get one interview.
I did not want to get a random job, however, I need the money.
Shame coated me. Shame that so much of my hard work was going to waste. That if it wasn't for the diploma sitting on my wall, it was like I didn't even go to school.
This shame makes me call this portion of my like a vacation.
I joke that my life is on pause. So while the time passes by I am still in the same place.
I joke that my life will start again once I gain a job.
Its kinda ridicules that I hang on those words so tightly that I'm afraid if I let go I will plummet and never be able to stand back up.
My life is on pause because in my imagination once I gain that job I will gain a life.
I will gain friends.
I will go on adventures.
I will maybe meet someone.
I will move back out of the house.
I will gain my freedom.
Until then, my life is on pause.
It's funny that everyone wants to achieve their goals yet no one talks about the after.
