Normal
adjective
conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.
It's funny how as days go on I feel normal. Like there's nothing wrong with me. However that's just a cover because if you open up the book call me, I am a complete mess.
So let's move some of that mess off the table and focus on the topic that is causing me anxiety.
Relationships.
For some reason that I can explain, and no that is not a typo - I really can explain why I have issues with relationships, I can't commit to a relationship.
I really wish I could however it seems like it's never going to happen for me. I read a book from John green called the abundance of Katherines. In it he wrote,
"the world contains precisely two kinds of people: Dumpers and Dumpees. Everyone is predisposed to being either one or the other, but of course not all people are completely Dumpers or Dumpees."
And never did any words speak more true.
I think I'm going have to live life always dumping people because of my commit issues.
I try so hard to get to know someone. to try and like them but there's always something holding me back. I'm always never as interested as the other person.
I can never trust someone and their intentions. And I'm okay to staying single... I mean every little girl dreams of their true love story but that was ruined for me when I would hide with my sister in our bed room as my father would hit my mother.
It was ruined for me as my father held a knife to my mothers throat.
It was ruined as I would see my aunt with black eyes from her husband
It was ruined by all the constant ruined relationships all my family members are in.
How can I believe in love when I've never seen it.
