Poetry

Untitled Part 64

and today i sit here thinking, 

it's a weird world where the sun shines all day and the sun still shines all night, but not on us, but sort of on us because a big rock in the sky acts like a mirror for its light, but not always.

and it doesn't really mean much, to me, to you, to the man passing by on his nightly walk his wife makes him do because he had a heart attack

it probably means something to someone. someone is probably thinking, "our entire concept of normal is completely insane. our entire world is so twisted, so warped, so irrational, and anything else is nearly impossible for us to imagine."

someone out there probably cares about that.

it's not me.

i care about the test i have on tuesday and the fact that i accidentally started drama again and now my friendships will be awkward. i care about the fact that i have homework due and a scarily low A in english. i care about the fact that my quiz in pre-calc is on a topic i'm barely grasping because I don't have enough time to look over my notes. i care about the fact that i might not be able to understand what's going on in spanish class because whoever developed the curriculum clearly was never a high school trying to learn a foreign language.

i care about the fact that the new kid in band is totally going to either fall for me or end up hating me, and both times the "me" in that situation is only about a fourth of my entire identity. i care about the fact that my brother awkwardly calls me "cas" and i have too much anxiety to clear up the confusion in my dad's eyes when my mom calls me "he". i care about the fact that the best friend i made this year is about to tell me she's crushing on me and i don't have an answer for her because i haven't thought of anyone as more than a friend in a long time. i care about the fact that i'm not sure what the hell i want to be this halloween, and i have one day to figure it out.

i care about school, because it's the only impressive thing about me. i care about friends, because i can never seem to keep them for very long, and i don't have many to lose. 

i don't care about the weirdness of our universe. in fact, it's the end of the week, and i don't want to care about anything. it's the end of the week, and i'm here to forget i have responsibilities for a while.