𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲 ❂ j. kline

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲

DEAR JACK,
Monsters live in and out of our mind.
Are you certain you're ready to leave us behind?
Dreamers like me are only left blind.

❂

𝙨𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙞𝙘𝙚—
𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙩𝙝
𝙨𝙡𝙚𝙚𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙩 𝙡𝙖𝙨𝙩

❂

THERE WAS NOTHING THAT WAS GOING TO CHANGE JACK'S MIND. He believed he should never be forgiven for what he had done to that man. Even an accident, he had still killed him and tore him away from his family and all those who loved him as well. It didn't matter that he didn't know it as an accident, it mattered because of what he had done.

Back at the bunker, everyone was silent. Jack had wished for Rose to do as Sam and Castiel had done and leave him be. She was afraid that if she had turned her back on him, he would disappear before her and she'd be left alone once again.

Sitting across from one another, Jack kept his eyes focused on the table while Rose had kept her eyes on him. "Jack, you can talk to me."

"No," he whispered harshly. His anger within himself had felt as if it were pouring out with his words and he was not upset with her. She had been the very last person he had wanted to make feel unwanted.

Rose had understood his pain. Jack had blood on his hands that would never be washed away. Reaching out, she placed her hand on top of his, causing him to look up in surprise. "I don't know what you're expecting... but I'm not going to just walk away and leave you alone to think about what happened."

"There's nothing anyone can do to make me feel better," he whispered. That was his truth at the time. Everything that weighed on his shoulders felt immovable. It felt as if he deserved it all. When Rose had pulled her hand off of his, he felt cold and alone once again. This was the exact way he knew he should feel after what he did.

Rose, on the other hand, had felt that he deserved the opposite. Pushing her chair back, she stood up, gesturing for Jack to do the same. He was hesitant at first as he did not know what he should be expecting. His nerves had only grown as she had made her way to the other side of the table.

In a swift and quick motion, she wrapped her arms around Jack, pulling him against her. She had known if she had given him warning, he would've flown off or told her he deserved punishment than what he could give her. Holding him tight in her arms, she felt his arms finally wrap around her when she laid her head on his chest. "I love you," she whispered. Jack's ears had perked up instantly. Inside him, he had hoped that Rose hadn't noticed how tense he had gotten, terrified of admitting what he had felt for her. That was until she continued on. "You're my best friend. I can't do this without you."

Still, Jack smiled softly. "You're my best friend too." As Rose had pulled away from the hug, his smile had disappeared when she held him at arms length. "I feel like a monster."

"You're not," she assured gently. "The way you feel now about what happened, it proves that. A monster, they kill and feel no guilt. No remorse. You're tearing yourself apart. And this will hurt for some time. But that's what makes you human, Jack."

"I'm not like all of you. You all... You save the world. I don't think I can do that."

The tips of her lips had slightly turned up as she squeezed his arms. "If you're a monster, then so are we. If you knew any of us before, what we've done at certain points, you'd see it too."

Looking down to her, Jack was confused. Talking with Rose, she had often felt sweet to him. He enjoyed her laughter and the way she had made him feel but seeing her as a monster had been difficult. But he had met Rose when she had felt low. He remembered the pain in her eyes, the cuts and bruises on her face and the way she had called him a jackass the day they had met. He had forgotten about the way she had been then, that he couldn't imagine her worse than that. He had felt that she had been there to save him. "You would never hurt anyone."

Dropping her hands down from his forearms, she dropped them down to his hands. Holding them out, palms facing up, she gave them a light squeeze. "You're never gonna wash off the blood. You have to live with it and learn from it. I've hurt people, people I care about, people I didn't know. I made mistakes and I live with it now. So, if you're a monster, then I am too."

"She's right, kid," Dean said as he walked into the room with Cas and Sam trailing behind him. "I thought you were a monster. I did. But you're not. Rose is right, we all have blood on our hands. So if you're a monster, we're all monsters."

Hearing Dean, Jack had instantly dropped Rose's hands down from his. "No. Every time I do something good, people get hurt. I thought I was getting better. I'm not. I don't know what I am, but I know I can't make the world a better place, not like this. I can't even do one good thing. And I know if I stay, I'm going to hurt you. I could hurt all of you, and I can't."

"Jack, listen," Sam began but Jack was too far gone. There was nothing they could say that would make him feel as if he deserved to be around them.

"I have to go," Jack said softly. He looked over to Rose with guilt written all over his face. "I'm sorry," he whispered. Taking a step back from her, he raised his hand up, ready to push them all away if they had tried to stop him.

"You don't have to do this," Rose pleaded gently. "If you really want to leave, then take me with you. But if you stay here, we can all be together."

"I don't want to hurt you and I can't stay here."

Squeezing his hand shut, a blast of gold emitted from Jack, sending all but Rose flying back into the walls. He had sworn to not hurt her, but he already had just by leaving. Already, he had chosen to leave the people that had cared for him behind. As any true Winchester, he had left in fear of hurting those he loved rather than stick with it until the end. While they had regained themselves from Jack's blow of power, Rose had already been heading towards her room, heartbroken and unsure when or if she'd ever see Jack again.