I was listening to Happy Pills by the Weather while writing the majority of this. Have you ever written a word so much that it begins to lose meaning? I have. I'm not even sure I spelt it right even more. Help me grammarly.
Thinks of suicide in this, so not suitable for precious lil cinnamon rolls.
Monday, 5th November
Life is bleak. Morale is low. Reputation is low. Will to live is practically nonexistent. I can't believe that I can still breathe. Nowadays Senpai's like a motor, he keeps me running. Bu now my cogs are rusting. Who am I kidding? I can't compete with Hanako. She'll win. I should just spend some time with Osoro. All that I can do nowadays is fight. Giving pain to others gets rid of mine. As long as Genka doesn't know I'll be fine.
I'm joining the delinquents. I know that I can be expelled if I join. But what do I have left? Senpai's left me, Mother doesn't care. Well, she does. But I don't want to talk about what she wants me to do. I never want to resort to that again. That was probably what got me in trouble with Senpai. I wonder if he would still let me call him Senpai? Or would it simply be Taro? I wonder, is joining the delinquents be the right choice? Or is that not enough. Senpai always listens to Hanako so I doubt that he would ever forgive me. Especially if he finds out what I've done. Maybe only suicide if enough. No. I can't do that. What if he does still love me? I have to stay alive. I can always... No, I sound like Mother. I can't do that. I can't even write that, let alone put it into action. Pills. That's what I need. No, not to kill myself. Happy pills. Happy, happy pills.
Like the song. I need to continue. I need to honour the memory of my past love. That isn't to say that I don't love Senpai anymore. I will never love anyone else apart from Senpai. I must be ready for his return at any moment. But I need to move on. Get a new life. I'll talk to Genka about it. I'll get some more friends. I'll be a better friend to Midori. I've been ignoring her lately. She kept on asking about me, asking if I was alright, so I threatened to break her phone. I should apologize. But I have a feeling that it's going to hard to turn down Osoro. I don't think that anyone has said no to Osoro. I wonder why she is like she is? Maybe her parents didn't love her enough, same as me. I blame Mother and Father for my... condition. I blame them. It's their fault that I'm the way that I am. It's their fault that I don't have emotions without a Senpai. Their fault, their fault, THEIR FAULT.
Happy pills, happy pills.
I need to go to the chemist.
Happy pills, happy pills.
Is this what it's like to go mad?
Happy pills, happy pills.
Is this what happens when people with my condition lose their Senpai?
Happy pills, happy pills.
Is there any hope left for me?
Happy pills, happy pills.
Can I hold on long enough for Senpai?
Happy pills, happy pills.
Can Senpai save me now?
Happy pills, happy pills.
Can pills help me now?
Happy pills, happy pills.
Have I gone too far?
Happy pills, happy pills.
Am I too broken to be fixed?
Happy pills, happy pills.
Are my emotions gone forever?
Happy pills, happy pills.
Am I lost?
Happy pills, happy pills, happy pills, happy pills.
happy pills
YOU ARE READING
The Diary Of A Yandere
FanficSoo, Hi? Genka, my school counsellor said I should start this diary. Just don't expect me to write often. Or say Dear Diary. Or anything like that. So. I suppose I should tell you about myself. My name is Ayano Aishi. The long-time friend of the in...
