In Your Arms - A Danisnotonfire (Dan Howell) Fanfictions

Chapter 20

A/N: Hi everyone! Sorry I haven't updated in the last few days! I've been so busy babysitting and doing work and I've been exhausted! I'm so sorry I hope you can understand :)

Phil

I don't have time for bed, I have to go out with Abbie!

I finish tying my bow and smile at myself in the mirror. This date tonight will be different. We didn't get to see a Baby Lester, but we have other things to look forward to. It's been a hectic day, all I want to do is relax with Abbie on the couch watching Netflix, but I promised her a proper date, and we're getting married tomorrow. Married.

I smile at the thought and proceed to the bathroom to put some cologne on.

As my hand reaches the handle I hesitate. I can hear someone crying in the bathroom. I force the door open and stare at the ground.

Abbie's arms are covered in blood, she's lying on the floor, curled in a ball. My heart begins to pick up the pace as my harness shake with fear.

"A-Abbie... You promised my you wouldn't.." I whisper, swallowing the lump in my throat. She tries to open her eyes, as I try to close mine.

"Phil... I- I can't to this anymore!" She manages to croak. She breathes loudly, panicking. I cover my mouth with my hand, shaking at the sight.

The poor girl has deep cuts all over her arm, her face is damp and sticky with tears and she's trying to breathe. Her clothes are stained with blood and her fingers are covered.

"Yes you can, Abbie. You're stronger than this!" I say encouragingly, although I was beginning to question the statement myself.

"Phil.. I want to get m-m-married to you..." She whispers, rolling on to her back and staring at the ceiling.

"You're the only thing I have r-right now. But I want to die. I need to-" she notices how shocked I am at her words. I thought she was over this.

I crawl over and sit against the wall, staring at the mess on the floor.

"Abbie, you know you're better than this. And you also know that no matter how much you want it, I can't give you the choice to die and-" I trail off at the end, my voice better higher and I start to cry. "I love you. But sometimes you need to be able to love yourself to love someone else..." I whisper.

"I love you too..." She says, trying to get up, but she struggles doing so.

"But I need you to help me, Phil. I need you to help me every step of the way. No matter how tough it gets, I've been through it! If we're going to get married tomorrow, you'll have to fight for me to stay alive. If you want my child, you'll have to fight for me to stay alive. Because even the slightest thing could set me off... And I've realised that you're the only cure Phil. Fuck the anti-depressants! Fuck the therapists! The only thing that's helped me through any of this is you." She says, struggling to talk from exhaustion. She starts to breathe loudly as she falls to the floor, slapping her hands off the cold tiles.

"We need to get you proper help, darling. And if that's not good enough it's the best I can do..." I whisper, lying down beside her on the cold tiles and holding her hand.

"I- I want to get married tomorrow Phil." She whispers, a year rolling down her cheek as she says my name.

"I want to get married too, darling. It's a new start. Let's get you cleaned up." I say, sitting and watching her struggle to even breathe. I hold her waist and help her sit up. I stare into her eyes, but they roll back into her head as she slowly blinks. I sight sadly and pick her up, letting her lean on my shoulder. She doesn't say anything, but just walks weakly over to the sink.

"This won't hurt a bit..." I whisper as I pour water on her arms, cleaning them gently. She's to tired to even notice, but she grimaces slightly as I plaster her arm up.

"Thanks, Phil.." She whispers, regaining whatever consciousness she had lost. She pulls away from me, stumbling into the bedroom as if she was dizzy. I walk slowly behind her and shit the door when I get into the room.

"At least you closed the goddamn door.." She says hazily, falling back into the bed. Even in her darkest times, she still had humour... And that always confused me.

I take off my suit with great disappointment. Tonight was meant to be special, but at least I know now that it won't be forgotten.

I slide into bed beside her, wrapping my arms around her from behind. She's freezing cold... "I love you, babe. We're getting married tomorrow!" I whisper into her ear. She doesn't reply, already asleep.

_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Hi guys! So I think Im ready to tell you a bit about what's going on in my life right now.

So recently I found out that one of my best friends that I grew up with is struggling with depression and self harm. And it hasn't been easy on me or her, and neither of us are going through the best time right now. She has to get help from professional and it's scary to see such a horrible thing happen to someone I would least expect it from.

Just though you'd like to know, because if I ever skip a day or two of updating my story, you know why:)

Xxx<3