Wishing Wish

Reconciliations

Reconciliations

I took a deep breath before I pressed the doorbell at Diane’s house.

I’ve been here before, of course; but not to do what I’m about to do tonight. I’m sooo nervous. What if they won’t even want to listen, much less face me?!

A moment later, Aunt Rosa, Diane’s mom, opened the door. “Wish! Long time no see!” She smiled at me warmly. “Come in. Come in.”

“Good evening, Auntie.” I greeted as I let her push me inside. “Are Diane and the others here?!”

“Yeah, we just finished having dinner.” She explained. “Though they didn’t mention that you were coming to their pajama party.”

“I…am actually not invited, actually.” I smiled sadly. “But I wanted to talk to them…before I go back…so…um…”

She shook her head, and smiled at me knowingly. “I understand. Come on, follow me.”

I followed her to the flight of stairs to Diane’s room; each step making me more and more nervous, that by the time we were in front of her room, all I wanted to do is to run back down and out of the house. I was really about to do it, but Diane’s mom beat me…

“Diane, Wish is here… She said she wants to talk to you girls.”

No answer immediately came; but when it did, my heart sank.

“Aunt Rose, can you tell her we’re not here?!” It was Lovey. At her words, I felt my eyes starting to get wet. I knew shouldn’t have come here. Nothing will change anyway.

Suddenly I felt a hand squeeze mine. I looked at Aunt Rosa’s smiling face, and it made me feel a little bit better.

“Actually, she’s here with me…” She answered. “Why don’t you tell her yourselves…”

Another silence followed after that; although this time, I know that no answer will follow. And then Aunt Rosa also left, leaving me on my own; but not before giving my hand another squeeze and warm smile.

I took a very, very deep breathe, preparing myself for what I’m about to do. I had practiced this the night before, after I finished packing, again, my things. And it was so much easier in front of the mirror, of course. But I really have to do this, for the sake of saving our friendship.

“I…” I started, and struggled to continue. So I took another deep breathe and hit my face a couple of times, before starting again. “I know you don’t want to talk to me, or even see me…I understand. But please, just listen to me…for the last time. It doesn’t matter if you’ll forgive me or not after. It’s oaky even if you just stay there, but just please listen to what I have to say…” When no answer came, or even some sort of sound, I took it as a ‘Yes’ and started my speech.

I let out a heavy breathe and dropped the bomb. “In contrast with what almost all of you, if not all, were thinking…I was…back in high school…I was in love with Matt…” I smiled sadly, trying hard not to let the butterflies ion my stomach affect me. Admitting to other people what my real feelings for Matt are, is just on a whole new level than just saying it to myself; not to mention the fact that these other people witnessed how Matt really was to me before. “I know it’s impossible…after all that he did, but it’s the truth.