Ties (Book 1)

9. Dreaming

It had already been two weeks since the first football game; the one where everyone found out about Levi and I. While Kaitlin and Julie had been really happy for me, Rina had stopped talking to me and completely ignored me. She had become resentful towards me for keeping my relationship a secret. Even after I explained it had literally been one day I told no one. It was not like I kept it to myself for years. Eventually she got over it, but I could tell she was holding a grudge inside her calculating brain, always the melodramatic little thing she was. In a way I was kind of glad she had been avoiding me, since she was continuously being a pessimist who brought my mood down with her comments; her absence gave me a break from negativity.

Levi and I were supposed to go out to eat, but football practice was going to run later than usual, so I just went home after my practice. The only person home was Maryanne. She said my parents would be home later. The only reason she was there was because she got paid. Yes she was kind but it was still a job. It was not like she was there because she cared about me.

After getting home, I kicked off my shoes and laid in bed to watch a movie. I was slowly drifting to sleep when someone knocked on the door and woke me up again.

"Come in."

"May, you should already be getting ready. You know how much mom hates waiting on you."

It was like time had frozen, and the breath could not manage to escape my lungs. My dead brother was standing five feet away from me.

"Hello, May, June, July! Are you just gonna sit there? Get up and make yourself pretty for the lavish party, as mom would put it."

"You... You're dead," I whispered.

"Do I look dead to you?" He smiled mockingly.

Chills ran through my body. "But you were in a car crash, and it was because of me!"

"Don't punish yourself for something you didn't do, little sis." He said as he slumped, dropping his happy facade. I thought he would have said I was crazy and that I had been dreaming. But the truth was he was dead. At that point, I was crying, and he rubbed my back in small circles trying to comfort me.

Once I was sure he had died, remorse and anger filled me. "Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Make it seem like I had no input in your death. I killed you! It was my fault, it was my fault, it was..."

"Mackenzie, wake up!" Levi was shaking my shoulders with a deeply frightened expression.

My dream had only made reality more obtuse. "What are you doing here? I thought you had practice," I said as I tried to sit up.

"I finished already, and I wanted to be with you for a little bit. When I was coming upstairs, you were screaming, and I thought there was someone in here, but you were just kicking around, dreaming. It was a really bad dream?"

"Er, I guess." I could feel the blank look I had on my face. Or should I have said I felt nothing?

"Tell me about it, maybe you'll feel better. Look at you, honey." He caressed my cheek and wiped something off. "You're crying."

"I'm not crying," I said defensively.

"Yes you are... Or you were. C'mon just tell me please." His eyebrows were raised up waiting for an answer from me.

"It doesn't matter." I sat back against the bed's headboard.

"Did your dream have anything to do with not wanting to be called May?" Why did he always say the wrong thing? I hated that he said aloud exactly what I was thinking. It was like he knew what went through my head. The truth was it was his perception that recognized my thoughts; if he knew every single image that popped into my head, he would have been gone.