Ties (Book 1)

10. Puppeteer

Levi and I had been sending text messages back and forth that morning, easing his worries by telling him when I would leave and when I landed in my dad's home state.

My parents and I were waiting to get on board. The airport was filled with travelers going away for the holidays or coming in to visit. There was always an upside to having more than an average income from two parents, first class treatment at the airport and more spacious seats on the plane. I was eating breakfast in one of the tables they had in a slightly large waiting lounge. When they finally called the airplane we would be boarding, I collected my backpack and purse. I walked behind my parents as we made our way to the designated gate. We found our seats inside at the front of the aircraft. There were three seats arranged together in each row. I asked for the window seat and my parents complied to my request, oddly enough.

The morning after I had yelled at them and told them their truths was the oddest Saturday of my life. That night that I transformed my resentment from mere memories to words, which consisted in I being the only one speaking the despondent grievances, Levi came out of the restroom and forced my mother and father to keep their opinions silent. It remained a mystery as to what ran through their minds as I expelled my bitterness. I did not know if it was a wake up call for my mother or if during the time she had been gone she just thought that I would be happy without her as long as I had money to survive with.

Probably the longest time I ever spent with my mother was when I was floating in her womb, surviving from the nutrients transferred through the umbilical cord that connected us. My brother mostly received the same distant treatment from my mother. As soon as she was able to move again she hired an elderly woman to be his nanny from day to night; she lived in our home for many years. After I was born, Gloria became my nanny too; she was our caregiver up until her demise when Johnathan was sixteen, and I near the age of innocent eleven. So spending time with my parents was new.

I did not know my parents. After all, nannies and Johnathan were who I had grown up. After Gloria died, Johnathan was sent to a boarding school in Vermont to spend the last two years of his high school career in. I stayed home and was introduced to my new nanny, Wanda. She was stricter than Gloria had ever been, but she had also paid more attention than Gloria. Those transitions had been difficult for me, specially at my age. But living without any family with me had been the hardest. With that in mind, interacting with my parents felt like a first date or something along the lines. 

I could not decide if I liked their impromptu attention or if I would rather do without it, but I lived in the moment, since it was pleasant to have their attention without reprimand. I always felt like I pointed more fingers at my mom than my dad. Maybe it was unreasonable of me, but I honestly had a reason to feel more rancor towards her. My mother was like a puppeteer, planning every step of the way for my father and our family. I was an obstacle in her plans with my rebellious nature probably giving her gray hairs and leaving her sitting up at night. It was not like I actually did bad things; I just did things that were not part of her plan and went against her decisions such as going to public school. My reason for going against her will was rightly reasoned. Whatever she said or wanted, my dad would make it happen at the blink of an eye, but I was the contrary of him.

In conclusion, if she had wanted to be with me throughout my life, she would have made my father stay. That was never what she wanted, so they traveled. He followed her around like a lovesick puppy who would not be able to live without her. He probably would not know what to do or how to function without her.

During that weekend of newfound attention, they would plan to go out to dinner and they would invite me. I wanted to spend time with my birth givers, but I felt an inclination to say no because it felt like I was intruding. My mom insisted so much I ended up agreeing to accompany them. In the end, who was I to deny myself of a dream come true? It was nice to hang around them without it being a black-tie event which was more of an obligation.