Behind The Lights

Staying Together

Jessica's POV

It's been a month since my fight with Jason and the whole meltdown. It's also been a month since I've spoken to Zac. He did try to reach me a couple of times but I've blocked him and avoided him at all cost. I think he finally got the message and moved on. I do feel bad for blocking Zac out like that but it was the right thing to do. I'm slightly mad at him for coming on to me that night but I'm even madder at myself for being so stupid.

~ Flashback One month ago ~

GET BACK HERE!" He yells at me.

"No!" I yell back walking as fast as possible away from him. My vision is blurry because of my tears that haven't stopped flowing.

Jason catches up to me and grabs my arm with force. "I said get in the damn car right now." He says sternly and I feel a shiver run down my spine but I still chose to stand my ground

"No! You're acting crazy, I'm not getting back in there." I say, in between sniffles, trying to get my hand out of his grip but instead, he swiftly lifts me off the ground throws me over his shoulder, ignoring my screams and protest, he walks back to the car placing me in the passenger's seat and goes over to the other side.

I start crying even more than before I don't know why exactly but I felt so helpless and weak and I hated that I felt that way, at the same time I hated that I've hurt the guy I really love but at the same time I'm scared of him, what he'll do to me, what he'll do to himself. Oh God, how did I get here?

Jason gets into the driver's seat and sits there for a few seconds without saying anything while I sniffle. "I'm..I'm so sorry... I never meant to hurt you... I...I was so stupid...and..."

"Do you have feelings for him?" He cuts me off and before I can register his question, I immediately respond with a "No!".

I mean, I do have feelings for Zac and until now, I still can't define what those feelings are cause it's extremely different from what I feel for Jason. With Jason its security and assurance that he's not going anywhere. It's safe and calming but with Zac it's excitement, it's me stepping out of my comfort zone, it's thrilling and he brings out the best in me, sides of myself I didn't even know I had but I also feel safe and secure with him. This is so hard!

Maybe it's about time I grow up and focus on what's realistic and Jason is realistic and he loves me so much, what am I doing? I'm so ungrateful and selfish dammit.

"I'm all yours. I made a huge stupid drunken mistake with Zac and I lied to you about it and I'm sorry, I really am. We only kissed and that was it. Nothing else happened." I tell him, gripping his forearm to provide extra assurance. He lets out a heavy sigh. "I believe you." He says calmly and I sigh in relief as he starts the engine of the car.

"But I want you to promise me something." He says turning back to look at me.

"Yes! Anything. Just tell me what." I say lighting up.

"You can't see or communicate with that asshole anymore." He says sternly looking into my eyes to make sure I knew how serious he was about this. That's not a ridiculous request, cause as much as I don't want to do this, it's the right thing to do. "Done!" I say.

"And second..... I want you to move in with me." He states. What!?

"Huh? Umm no." I say almost laughing, there is no way I'm giving up my current space. I love coming home to a place that's mine alone. I love Jason but not enough to move in with him. Also, I think people who live together should be married and that's just my opinion.