Behind The Lights

I feel traped Jason

Zac's POV

It's been 3 months since I've heard from her, I haven't seen her since but what I did hear from Kate was that she moved to London for a bit to be with Jason, whatever that means, I know for a fact that she's coming back I mean her life is still here, her studio and apartment is still here.

I'm trying to move on with my life but it seems like the hardest thing to do when part of you already belongs to someone else. She came into my life, messed me up and left, how am I suppose to move on I mean, I still love her dammit. I need to at least know that she's happy with him. Does he make her laugh the way I do? Does he know her the way I know her? I mean, I know that girl better than she knows herself.

Jessica's POV

"Babe, you gonna finish your food or are you gonna just play with it?" Jason ask me. We're seated at the dining table having dinner together like we do almost every night however lately, I haven't been having the best appetite and I'm not so sure why that is. Maybe I'm just stressed out by the album. I'm almost done with it but I don't know what the labels gonna think of it.

"I'm not that hungry, I'm gonna go wash up," I say, getting up to leave the table.

"What's wrong? Talk to me." Jason persuades, holding my forearm, stopping me from getting up.

"I'm just a little tired that's all," I say, turning to walk into the kitchen, Jason and I are at a really weird place in our relationship. I mean to me it's weird but he doesn't seem fazed by it. To him, it's like everything is normal but it isn't.

Do I still love Jason? Absolutely. Am I happy being with him? That answer changes every now and then. I'm hoping it's just the stress of the championship which ends next week. His moods with me have been off the charts lately, he's been very possessive and snappy, he scares me sometimes but then assures me shortly after. I can't wait for the championships to be over with and I can go back to having the guy I fell in love with almost a year ago. I can't believe Jason and I have officially been together for almost a year now.

I do wonder if maybe this is how Jason is, but because we rarely see each other, I was getting only the best parts of Jason, and living with him is showing me his true self. The closer we are physical, the more distant I feel from him.

Sometimes I feel like he is sick of me and sometimes I feel like he gets too clingy. But one thing for sure, being here with Jason has made me mentally exhausted.

I quickly change into my pajamas, just a huge T-shirt and shorts and climb into bed before he comes in. I don't feel like having a conversation with him, I just feel like closing my eyes and sleeping. I hear him entering the room and I keep my eyes shut. I could feel him hovering over me but my eyes remain shut the whole time.

"I know you're awake princess." I hear his rough voice say, chuckling lightly. I realize I'd be stupid to keep pretending so I slowly open my eyes to look at him. He sits down at the side of the bed and looks at me as if trying to figure out what I'm thinking.

"What's on your mind?" He asks gently as he switches on the table lamp and begins caressing my back with his large hands.

"Noth.."

"Stop saying it's nothing." He cuts me off "something's bothering you and I want to know what is it." He pushes. I'm scared that if I tell him I'm not happy, he might get mad.

"It's the album, that's all," I say, that's the best cover up I could think of.

"It's not just the album, there's something more. I need you to talk to me." He says coming closer as I sit up and look at him.

I glance around the room, trying to figure out the best way to say it.

"Jess.." He says pinching the bridge of his nose and I can tell he's annoyed. His patience with me is always so short. Like he hates having to wait around for me.

"I'm not happy Jason," I say looking down at my fingers as I fidget with them.

"What do you mean you're not happy?.... you're not happy right now, or you're not happy being here or being with me?" He questions with concern in his eyes.

"I can't do this," I say trying to get up from the bed.

"No." Jason grabs my leg from moving.

"We're not done talking. You're not happy and I want to know why? I love you, Jess. I can't help you if you don't talk to me. What can I do?" He asks, gently caressing my cheek with his massive thumb.

"I love you too," I say taking his hand that's still on my cheek and gently placing a kiss in the palm of his hand. "But I feel like I'm trapped in your world and I don't like that feeling at all. I feel like some housewife who just does whatever her husband wants her to do and I hate that. I don't like how you talk to me sometimes and when you get mad you sort of lash out at me and worse of all, I'm starting to feel like I'm losing myself." I begin to admit everything and for the first time in a while, I feel so relive, like a burden has been lifted off.

"What?... why didn't you tell me you felt that way before?" He asks.

"I don't know, I was scared I guess," I say shrugging.

"Baby listen. Firstly, I'm sorry that I get mad sometimes, it's just the pressure that I'm in with all the expectations and sometimes I feel like you don't understand. And secondly, I would never want you to feel trapped, ever, I wanted you here cause you make me happy and having you close to me assures me..."

"Assures you what? That I won't cheat!" I ask, taken aback by his statement.

"What? No. It assures me that you love me, Jessica, I tend to doubt that sometimes cause it feels like I invest more into this relationship than you do and it's like I want this to work and you're not a hundred percent in it." He says and my heart breaks at the fact that he even felt that way. I do love him but I guess I was so caught up in the whole Zac thing, I never really showed him.

"But I am a hundred percent in this. I'm with you. And I love you, Jason." I say holding his hand in both of mine.

"And I know that now." He says. "And I'm sorry if you feel like you're losing yourself, cause I know the girl I fell In love with and I can't afford to lose her so what do you say if tomorrow we do whatever it is that you want to?" He asks and my eyes lighten up.

"Really? But don't you have training?" I ask him.

"Well, I can train the following day. You're way more important." He says tapping the tip of my nose with his finger and I giggle like a stupid little girl.

I'm so glad I had this talk with him. It went way better than I thought it would.