Where Do Broken Hearts Go? 🌹 {on hiatus}

Chapter 16

[ T/W: Mentions of Panic attacks and physical abuse (it is not detailed but mildly descriptive) ]

THEN

The first time I had a panic attack was when I was 10, my dad had fought with my mum, I heard him cursing at her and then saw him physically abusing her. This wasn't the first time that was happening.
I remember clearly how I couldn't breath and my hands were shaking so hard I struggled to open the door to my room as I ran back.

The memory is etched into my mind, little me, sitting in the space between the bed and the closet, rocking back and forth continuously, tears flowing on their own, there was no stopping to any of it, I thought I was going to die and I thought it was the best solution because I didn't want to face my dad, he was harsh, cruel, blinded by rage and he could kill.

This scene lasted 6 whole minutes.

Dad had gotten a divorce and left my mum and I alone, after that day he never checked up on us again, not even once, I was thankful.

I was sent to the therapists and I was put on pills, it took me 3 years to overcome everything.
I don't have them often anymore, it's very very rare.

But I knew it was back when this particular scene unfolded infront of me.

Kim Seungmin was pushed against one of the mirrors in the dressing room by Hyunjin, the former's legs tightly wrapped around the latter's waist. Their mouths caught in each other's.

My lips quivered and I let out a sob without knowing, Seungmin made eye contact with me when he heard it but still continued kissing my boyfriend like he belonged to him.
My knees buckled and I fell on the floor with a loud thud.
The last thing I remembered was Hyunjin's full blown eyes and red swollen lips, covered with someone else's saliva, looking at me with shock and concern.

The next thing I remembered I was at the local hospital, I squinted my eyes and looked around to spot a worried Chan pacing around the room, and Minho sleeping on the chair next to my bed.

"Ch-Chris?" I called out weakly, my throat was dry from lack of hydration.

"Oh my god" Chan said finally stopping and looking at me with eyes wide, "Oh my god" he let out a sob, "Minho wake up" he shook the named.

Minho woke up with a small whine leaving his lips but he was wide awake when he saw me.
He then started bombarding me with questions as Chan let out little sobs again.
I asked for water since my throat was too dry to even answer any of these questions.

"Chan stop crying please" was the first thing I said after drinking the water.

"I'm so sorry, I-i was just so fucking worried" Chan turned away wiping his cheeks on his sleeves.

"Fucking Hyunjin" Minho rolled his eyes, "Are you okay Felix?"

"H-Hyunjin" I asked suddenly remembering what happened, "Is he here?"

"No that bitch is a coward, he called us up, told us you fainted and then just left, like he doesn't give a shit, like you both don't even know each other, we were so confused but then Jisoo who was in the dressing room too explained what happened" Minho said gritting his teeth, his fist automatically tightening so hard the knuckles turned white.

"So it did happen"

Chan nodded, his head drooped low.

"So I wasn't dreaming? So Seungm-, uh Hyunjin really...?" I trailed off since the lump in my throat didn't allow me to speak more.

Chan nodded again and whispered, "I'm sorry"

So Hyunjin cheated on me.

And it set in, my head was pounding, I was unable to breath properly, my whole body shook as tears of grief that flowed out of my eyes were unstoppable. I wrapped my arms around myself to keep stable and started rocking back and forth, different thoughts racing too fast through my head, and I was suddenly 10 again, between the closet and the bed, clueless and filled with anxiety.

---

"Apparently it had been going on for a while" Chan said taking a bite out of his burger one lunch, exactly one week after the incident.

I never met Hyunjin again, explanation be damned.
Luckily, I never bumped into him, never saw him too except in classes where I decided to sit right at the front to avoid looking at his face ever and I know I did the right thing because yesterday I made eye contact with him once in the dance class and my head was pounding again and I wanted to cry. I left for the rest of the class, going home early.

"I fucking suspected it goddamnit, and I still didn't warn you, I'm so fucking sorry Felix" Minho said fidgeting with his fingers in frustration.

"Minho babe, Felix wouldn't have believed you anyway, its okay" Chan replied trying to calm the other down.

"Y-yeah it's fine hyung, he's r-right I wouldn't have believed you" I said eyes flickering to make a short eye contact with Minho.

"I understand but ugh I'm so fucking pissed"

I bite my lips, tears welling up, this is affecting me way too much emotionally and mentally.

I'm not okay