Where Do Broken Hearts Go? 🌹 {on hiatus}

Chapter 18

NOW

"Do you want closure?" Changbin asks me randomly breaking the silence when we're laying on my bed together staring at the ceiling.

I exhale sharply and close my eyes, thinking for a while.

Do I really want closure? I would want to know what went wrong, how did Seungmin come in between all this but would it just be unnecessary information for now? But, I'm curious and I know curiosity kills the cat but what's there more to die than the feeling of death I've felt for so long?

"I think I might be curious?" I decide to reply.

"In my opinion, getting a closure will atleast seal things between you two, leaving it hanging is weird, Hyunjin is a coward you know?" Changbin says turning towards me.

I feel anger bubble in my chest, a sudden urge to defend Hyunjin taking over me, but I suppress it with a voice in my head. he is a coward
Changbin isn't lying you know?

He sits up, "Think about it while I fall asleep" he giggles softly and pats my shoulder before climbing onto his own bed.

---

"F-Felix?" i hear Hyunjin's voice through the phone.

I ball up my fist, trying not to snap or cry.
"Can I t-talk to you?"

"Sure, what happened?"

"N-no, uhm join me for dinner at the Chinese restaurant tomorrow, uh 6pm"

I guess I gotta finish it where it started.

---

"You're gonna be fine Felix-ah" Chan says holding my hand and drawing circles on the back of it.

"I-i don't know, what if I fuck up? Wh-what if I faint in front of him and he leaves me again?"

"Do you want me to come with you?" Changbin asks biting his lower lip in concern.

"N-No, I don't want any of you to come, please"

Chan and Changbin both nod.

I reach the restaurant first 10 minutes before, Changbin walks me to it, assuring me that he's only a call away and if I don't feel well I can get help.
I make sure to drive him away from being anywhere near the restaurant, i can do this.

Hyunjin turns up but he turns up late, but it's okay, I'm used to being dissapointed by him.

"Hi" he says flashing his infamous smile.
And I expect myself to blush but I don't, I'm surprised with myself.

He sits down and asks me if I've ordered anything and when I say no, he calls the waiter over and orders, his favourite dish hasn't changed.

"So..." he trails off scratching the back of his head.

"so... " I repeat in the same tone

"what did you want to talk about?" he looks down, playing with the glass of water.

"W-Why" I start weakly and words get stuck in my throat and I feel like puking as he looks up at me. I want to get out of here.
I look at my phone contemplating to call Changbin back but this needs to happen today.

So I take deep even breaths and clear my throat for a second attempt , sipping some water in the process and it's a success, "Why did you have to do that?"

"i-uh, I'm sorry, I just, you just, oh my god, Seungmin was actually supposed to be just a fling b-but then"

I slam my fist on the table, tears building in my eyes, lies

"Stop lying" I say more loudly, gaining a bit more confidence.

"F-Felix" his voice weakens

"just tell me you never loved me, I fucking trusted you so much, and you broke me Hyunjin, you broke me so bad that it's hard to function again, and I fucking hate it, I fucking hate that I'm seen as some damn sympathy case"

"Felix I'm sorry" he starts and I actually don't want to hear his voice but I let him talk anyway, "I don't know what I was thinking, I was supposed to be with you and not Seungmin but things happened and I just, you know, people ju-just fall out of love"

Tears roll down my cheek in disbelief, falling out of love was so easy for him, why is it taking me all my life?
When I'm about to reply the food arrives, I'm thankful because I can keep myself distracted and my mouth busy enough to think over few things.

We eat in silence, not looking at each other, a very obvious awkward tension between us.
After 10 minutes of unbearable silence that I do not want to interrupt he breaks it, "How are you?"

So he asks now?

"So-so" I manage to choke out.

He reaches out to hold my hand, I flinch harshly and he immediately apologizes.
"I really mean it Felix, everything just happened so fast, I wasn't really pl-planning anything"

"When were you planning to tell me that you were fucking someone else?" the questions came out in a flow, I wanted to get this over with.

"It-it isn't like that, i-i" he hangs his head down low.

"Should've expected" I scoff, "of course you don't have an answer"

"It's okay" I say getting off my table, food ignored, "You fell out of love, you used me and then felt like I wasn't good enough, I hope you're happy with Seungmin, tell him he's lucky" I smile distastefully, grabbing my bag and walking out of the restaurant.

"Felix" he calls out, I ignore him while trying not to fall on to my knees and break down in the middle of the restaurant.
I hate him so fucking much.

Once I'm a good 10 steps out of the restaurant, I feel someone grab wrist and tug me around, I hiss in pain, he's never been this harsh with me, "Look, listen to me" Hyunjin says as I try to get out of his grasp, he's become stronger.

"Felix please" he pleads and I still, one part of me feeling bad for him, "Spit" I say disgusted.

He takes a deep breath, "I didn't mean to use you or anything okay? I just. I don't know, lost interest, fell out of love, and I still hate myself that I did that to you, and that day, in the competition, I didn't know what to do, I couldn't face you, I still regret everything, I'm so sorry I treated you like that, everything we had, it still means a lot to me, I hope you forgive me" he finishes with a hiccup, his hand slipping off my wrist, I look up to see him crying and my heart still fucking aches for this asshole.
My heart is a fucker.

I have an urge to wipe the tears off his face, instead I take a few steps back and take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down for a couple of minutes.

"I trusted you" I whisper and he falls to his knees, the intensity of his sobs increasing.
I start to walk away but he stops me, I ball my fists, so close to just punching him across the face, "let me go" I grit through my teeth and he refuses to.

And before I know it, Hyunjin is on the ground, bleeding through his nose and my knuckles hurt, I step back and fall on my butt, my actions sinking in.

And suddenly there's hands lifting me up from the back.

___________________________________

[A/N: I'm sorry for making Hyunjin the bad guy, I swear I love him 😂]