Don't Go

Where have you been for all of my life?

It has been 3 years. It has been 3 years of long nights, being plastered, and taking home random guys from bars. I can't help but to think that Austin has forgotten about me. My parents never tried to find me, it's not like I wanted to be found anyways. I'm sure after a week or two they probably forgot I even existed, much like the rest of the school did. Tonight was the same as any other night. Hanging out down at the old pool hall downtown, drinking liquor left and right and shoving my tongue down some drunk man's throat just to try and forget about Him. Him. Come to think of it, I haven't thought about him in a while. He was perfect in every way, his face, his long legs, his small star tattoo on his arm.Everything was perfect, but I had to run away. It was all my fault. 

"Alan,come on bro. You need to go home. You're plastered." I heard as someone was shaking my shoulder. I jerked away and turned around immediately recognizing the faint voice as Phil, my best friend and roommate. "Phil, just one more round, p-please." I slurred, wanting to get Him off of my mind. "No, come on." I heard as I was being dragged away. I saw the trembling look in Phil's eyes as he met mine and quickly looked away. "Phil, what's wrong? What made you look constipated?" I let out a loud, stiffled laugh and continued to stumble out of the bar. "Alan?" I heard in a distance, but before I could turn around Phil was dragging me out of the door and down the street to his black Ford Mustang sitting on the side of the street. I slumped in the car seat and fell asleep quickly as Phil began the quick trip home. 

I woke up with an insane headache and the urge to pee. I ran to the bathroom and as soon as I hit the door, I threw up. I knew I deserved it and honestly I would puke for the rest of my life if it meant I could forget about Him. I grabbed a wash cloth and got it wet. I stuck it to my face and wished that I had never went out last night, but last night was particularly hard for me. You see, yesterday was the 3 year anniversary of me leaving Austin and my family behind. I'm sure my family didn't care, they had all the money in the world and could easily just have another child, but I still remember the terrifying look on Austin's face as I boarded the plane. I got up from the bathroom floor, wash cloth still clung to my hot face, and reached for my phone. I pounced on my bed and laid back down with the phone held in my hands. I hesistantly went to my messages and scrolled all the way down. Austin. I'll never forget you Alan. My one true love. I felt the tears begin to brim my eyes and honestly I felt that I didn't want to be strong anymore. I cried and cried some more until Phil got home. 

I walked into the kitchen where Phil had taken the groceries. We weren't poor or hurting for money, in fact we were well off. We lived in a nice apartment above Huntington Beach and had all of the luxeries we wanted, cable tv, internet, fast cars, and most of all, all the alcohol we could consume.

"Hey Phil?" I say as I take a seat at the island across from him. "Yeah?" he mutters while looking at the latest issue of AP. "Do you ever think that people reappear in your life for a reason?" I said, looking away, hoping he didn't catch my drift. "Well, Alan. I believe people who are meant to be in your life, stay in your life. If they leave, they weren't meant to be there in the first place." I looked away and tears brimmed my eyes. I knew it was my fault that Austin wasn't in my life. I didn't want to love him, I didn't want to become too attached and lose him, I couldn't go through losing someone I loved again. I got up and walked to my room. I shut the door, a little too hard I suppose. I put on my black skinny jeans, a ripped guns n roses sleveless tshirt and my red converse. I grabbed my keys, my wallet and my long board. I am going out to think. 

I hit the side walk, dragging my feet down the pavement to the beach. I wanted to think about my life and how I always end up screwing up. Maybe I shouldn't have left home. Maybe Austin really did care, maybe my parents did look for me. I was making my way down the sidwalk, the sun blinding me, a hangover and sunlight is not a good mix. Just as I was about to turn the corner I crashed into someone. "Oh shit! I am so so so sorry." I yelled hoping they understood. "Hey man, no problem! I like to long board too. My name's Aaron." "Oh haha My name's Alan. Look I better get going, I'm going to the beach." I said, hoping he believed me. "Oh cool! I'm at the beach right now, well not right now, but you get it" Aaron let out a loud laugh and I chuckled as well. "If you want, you can come hang out with us. I mean if you're not meeting a lucky lady." "Oh no. Sure, I'll go." I say with confidence. It's been a while since I've had friends. Why not give it a try? 

I started walking down the sidewalk heading towards the beach with Aaron by my side. We reached the group and took a seat. There was a tall man sitting to my right and Aaron to my left. This was kind of nice, to have friends I mean. We all sat around talking when the guy next to me said something I never thought I'd hear. "So, where's Austin? Carlile's always late I swear." I started panicking and immediatey got up, grabbing my bags. "Where's our little orange haired friend going?" Aaron asked me. "Uh-um Well I gotta go." I turned around and smacked right into something, more of someone actually. "Uh excuse me." I went to walk around them but they grabbed my arms. Who was this person and who did they think they were to grab me. I raised my head and I'm pretty sure I probably could've passed out right there. "Al-Alan? Where have you been?" He said and I groaned and walked away. I wasn't ready to face Austin and I sure in hell wasn't about to.