Don't Go

The silence is deafening

Austins POV

Ever since I had seen Alan, my head has been a never ending tail spin. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that he's in California and I ran into him after 3 years of crying myself to sleep every night. Every night I would crawl into bed, snuggle up to my duvet and hold onto the last piece of Alan I had, our picture where I was kissing his cheek and his face was as red as my shirt. I miss those days. I miss snuggling up to him, smelling his colonge, and kissing his cheek to make him melt on the inside.

I will win him back and I will never let him leave me again. I honestly didn't think I could handle it again.

Every day for the next week, I went to the beach in hopes of seeing him again. Nope. Nothing. No red headed, ginger that I've come to love in these last 4 years. I wonder if I'd really screwed up or if he was just shocked. To be honest I was just as shocked as him, if not more. 

Flashback

"Goodbye Austin." Alan said as he turned and got into the taxi and headed towards the airport. I chased after the car and saw Alan turn around with tears in his eyes as the car kept driving away, much like Alan was leaving me. I couldn't let him leave without him knowing how I felt. I returned inside and collasped on the floor. I couldn't keep the tears from falling. 

Free Fallin' 

I sat there huddled up next to the wall for what seemed like hours, just letting the tears continue to fall. It was 4 am and all I could hear in the house was my small, uneven heaving from the aftermaths of my crying fest. I wanted to say goodbye to Alan. For all I know he's long gone. The airport was a good 3 hours away and I wanted, more like needed, to say goodbye. I sped down the highway in hopes that he was there.

He was boarding the flight when I noticed his bright orange mob of hair, looking as if he hadn't slept a lick in the last 24 hours. I felt sorry for him, I felt empty. "I love you, Alan." I screamed as he boarded the flight. I sat down as the tears filled my eyes and I couldn't comprehend how I would live without him for the years to come. 

I shot him a quick text. 

You're my one true love, Alan.

I walked out of the airport and got into my 1969 Ford Mustang. I leant over the steering wheel and cried for a good 20 minutes before raising up and checking my phone. 

I love you forever and always, Austin, but that's what scares me. Take care of yourself and find yourself a pretty girlfriend. You deserve it. 

I let my eyes fill with tears again, but agreed that drinking would help me in my time of need. 

END OF FLASHBACK

Drinking had become my escape for Alan. Only recently had I ackwoledged it. I didn't understand why he left. He never gave me a complete answer. All he ever hinted at was that 'he couldn't do this' or 'I'm scared'.

I was currently at the bar, disheveled by the amount of people here on a Tuesday night. I was shitfaced and honestly I couldn't see straight or talk coherently for that matter. Like I said before, drinking has become my escape from Alan and to say that I ever truly got over him would be a lie. Those three years ago when I said Alan was my one true love, I truly meant it. I couldn't deny that Alan was my safe house, but he was the reason for my drinking. He could cause my worst habit, or cure it. You see love is like that, you lay your heart on the line for someone. They can take your love and return it, or they can take it and destroy every thing you've ever loved. They have this dominance, power over you and Alan just seems to have my heart in his hands. 

A/N

Hey I haven't updated in a while. Sorry about that! I have another fic. it's cashby and it's called Youre all I think about. Go give it a read please? I hope you liked the little clue I gave to you. I never told you what Alan had texted back on the plane and well, there it is. Also, if you get the song reference, I love you. Bye!