Don't Go

You, again?

I started making my way back home, down the street that I had just came. I wasn't about to confront Austin after leaving him 3 years ago. Of course it was my fault that we hadn't seen each other,but it still doesn't mean I want to talk to him. I still have the fear of falling in love with him. 

I made my way home and practically knocked the door down. Phil looked startled as I made my way to my bedroom. "Wanna talk about it?" I heard Phil say from the dark gray couch in the living room. "Not really, Phil." I continued dragging my way up the stairs, gripping onto the walls to keep from passing out from the experience I just had. I made my way to my room at the end of the hallway and threw open the door and collapsed on the bed to fall directly to sleep. 

I woke up with a startle and I heard a loud bang coming from the living room. I figured Phil had friends over, but what I didn't expect to hear was a familiar voice. "Phil! Just let me see him, please?" I recognized that voice. I knew who it was, but I didn't want to believe it. I smashed my hands over my hears, clenching my teeth, and shutting my eyes. I didn't want to hear any of this. I wasn't ready to face Austin and God knows if it was my choice, I would never speak to him again. "Hurry up! Last door in the hallway." WHAT THE... Why is Phil agreeing to let him see me? Phil knew about my past, he knew why I left and he just decides to let him coming waltzing right back into my life again. Don't think so. 

I heard a timid knock at the door and hesistated a bit. Was I ready to face Austin, the man I was once in love with. "Come in" I whispered, hoping he didn't hear me. The door opened slowly revealing a disheveled, tired, red faced Austin. "Oh, its you again?" I asked, almost sounding annoyed. "Y-yeah it's me." He sounded like he had been crying, but then again I had been crying too. "What do you want?" I let off in an annoyed tone. He took a seat on the bed and rested his hand on my leg. I tensed up, I was never used to being touched, I hated it, I hated that someone felt the need to touch me. He removed his hand, shooting me a confused and hurt look. "I came to ask you how you've been?" "Really, Austin? You came to ask me how I am? I left you three years ago! I haven't had a relationship since. I sleep around because I want to forget you! I want to forget the way you smell, the way you throw your head back when you laugh, the way you look at me like I'm the most perfect person in the world. I left, Austin, because I was afraid I was falling in love with and I couldn't take it." I paused to take a breath and look into his eyes. His eyes were focused on me as the sun began to set, darkening the room. "Please leave, Austin. I can't take it anymore. I need to forget you. I'm sorry." Austin timidly got up off the bed and began to walk out of my room, dragging his feet along the hardwood floor. "You were my One True Love." He quoted, bringing back memories of that day. I couldn't take it and I, after 3 years started to break down. I rolled over onto my bed, digging my head further into the pillow. I began to cry and the memories of Austin and I flooded my memory. All of the times in class, the time he showed up at my house at an ungodly time of the morning. I couldn't keep it in any longer. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I had fallen hopelessly in love with Austin Carlile. 

The more I thought about it, the more I wanted something to get my mind off of Austin. I wanted a job, and not just some low paying job at McDonald's, I wanted to be a bartender. I could meet cute guys and get paid, what a life, I know. I headed down to the bar right down the street and walked inside. It smelled unruly of alcohol and cigarettes, but honestly this is much better than thinking about Him. I walked over to the bar and waited for someone to notice me and walk over. I noticed a lumped over figure sitting in the corner, head on the bar, glass in hand, and looked to be quite drunk. I walked over, more curious than ever. I shook him awake and what I hadn't expected to see is what I saw. Austin, almost passed out from all of the liquor. Had I done this to him? "Yes" I heard Austin mumble and I looked confused. "You said that out loud." He continued and I was absolutely appalled by now. I let out a shaky sigh and wrapped my arm under my armpit and around to his waist. I helped him up and walked him outside to his car. When we reached his car, he pushed me away. "You don't need me, so I don't need you. Goodbye Alan." I saw him begin to cry and I lost it. I put everything behind me. "Austin, You do need me. You can't drive home like this. At least let me help you." I mumbled hoping he'd disagree. "Get in." He replied and I began driving him home. I have to admit, I kind of missed having Austin Around all of the time.

When we reached his house, I dragged hime up the stairs to his 2 bedroom apartment. I unlocked the door with the keys I had to fish out of his pockets. I took Austin in and laid him on his bed. I covered him up to the shoulders and pressed a kiss to his temple. "You'll never know how much I need you." I whispered and left to the spare room. I was not about to leave Austin alone in this state. I took my place on the right side of the bed and covered myself with the blankets. I drifted off to sleep with only one thing on my mind. Austin.