Don't Go

Why you?

Alan POV

Love is shit. My life is shit. Austin is shit. California is shit. Why did I move here? 

I sat huddled up on my couch listening to some crap popular radio station. I was sunken in the corner of my couch staring up at the ceiling thinking where did I go wrong. Maybe those three years ago, I shouldn't have left. I mean honestly I left for one reason and to be honest, nothing has changed. I went through the motions for 3 years. Wake up, eat, leave the apartment, see something that reminds me of him, and then start off to the nearest bar to drown my feelings in Jameson and Jack Daniels. 

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Speaking of drinking, I was currently in Spencer's, off the beach, getting plastered and downing vodka shots left and right. I couldn't face the thought of running into him again. 

 "Hey man. You gotta go. I'm restricting your drinks. You've already drank a fifth of Jameson and a whole bottle of vodka. You gotta go." I looked up hazily at the bartender and I was pissed. I could handle my liqour. More or less, it could handle me. 

"Whatever, man" I let out and dragged myself out of the bar, tripping on some chairs and resting my hand on some woman's shoulder. She didn't seem too mad, she was just as gone as I was. 

I walked out and was instantly blinded by the sun light. Did I mention that it was 3 IN THE AFTERNOON. Why not go for a nice long walk? It might actually sober me up a bit. I stepped onto the sand, letting it seep into my vans. Curse you, beach. I took off walking and let the sun glisten off my dull red hair. I haven't been keping up appearances, I mean why would I? I took a seat in the low tide of the water. I let it wash over my feet and my pants. Who cares? Right attitude. I hated feeling like this. I would spend my days looking at the walls or getting drunk. What a lovely life. 

I could hear someone walk up behind me and took a seat. They wrapped their legs about me and I was startegically placed in between their legs. Well, this is odd. I was so pissed drunk that I actually pressed back into them. This is defintely the highlight of my day. 

"Kitten, What are you doing?" I heard over the sounds of the small waves crashing against the white washed sandy beaches of Southern California. Wait. I knew that. That nickname. Why does it sound so familiar. I turned around to face this stranger. I hid my eyes and tried to not blind myself. I knew those freckles. I knew that mouth. I knew that soft brown hair that laid so effortlessly across his forehead. 

I nearly shit bricks. 

I jumped so far away from him, I'm sure I probably gave him a heart attack. 

"Alan, are you okay?" 

"Do I look fucking okay?!" I shouted. "I came here to get away from and you show up. It's like I have a fucking GPS tracker on me or something. Why can't you just stay away!" I let him have it. 

"I miss you so god damned much and I can't stand myself. I don't want to want you. It just happened. Why do you think I moved?" I managed to squeak out the last bit. 

He pulled me down to sit in his lap. I struggled. I threw my arms up but he kept holding me. I was thankful for him. I didn't want him to let me go. I wanted him to fight for me, and that's exactly what he did. 

"Alan. Calm down." I was crying so hard and I pressed my face into his neck. Did I forget to mention that I'm an emotional drunk? I was starting to hyperventilate and that was never good. 

"Alan, breathe with me." Austin stressed and I couldn't. He held me close and rubbed my back. I was eternally grateful, but why did I even try so hard to get away? That's right. The one word that meant so much, but was the hardest thing to admit.

Love.

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A/n

Hey! It's been so long! Hope you liked the update. Kinda short :/ Anyways! Check out my new Cashby called "Break Free". Like, Comment, and Bye!