Don't let go

Moonlight beach walk

We were excused from school for three days, due to my mother and to her gaping hole which is also referenced as her mouth.

We spent every day sitting in the waiting room or next to my grandpa. Holding his hand, giving him hugs.

Whatever he needed to keep fighting.

There was no change for the most part, only he was slipping in a little deeper every day. My heavy heart quivered every second our hands touched.

My mother barley spoke. She just sat in the chair next to him and stared at the man who raised her. The small dose of family she had left.

Peter was practically living off vending machine food for days, I tried to eat as little as possible. It's the only way I stayed thin, I thought.

When I wasn't visiting my grandfather, I was texting in the wait room. The only room on the floor that allowed texting.

Zack texted me around ten, he was in art class. Apparently his clay bowl looked like a folded ash tray. He took a picture and sent it to me, he was right.

Me: Yeah, you're right. That is a pretty sick bowl.

Zack: Yeah. How's your grandpa?

Me: No change.

Zack: Should I stop by?

Me: It wouldn't help.

Zack: Well why don't you let me help you?

Me: What do you mean?

Zack: Let me take you out tonight.

Me: I don't know, I should stay here.

Zack: C'mon. It would be good for you to get out of the hospital for a while. Plus, I'm dying to see your beautiful face.😘

My beautiful face. Not my beautiful body. The compliment was still appreciated though.

Me: Alright. I'll ask my mom.

40% of me didn't want to go. 60% of me didn't even want to ask. My mother was already broken, how can I ask to leave her in this time of need?

When my mother trotted back into the room, her face plain without makeup. What's the point of wearing it when you are just going to cry it off?

Peter went in next, leaving my mother alone with me.

In attempt to distract herself from her pain, she read the news paper.

How was I supposed to bring it up?

Hey mom, can I ditch you and go out with my boyfriend while you watch your father slowly die?

I think not.

"Mom, Zack asked me out on a date tonight." I casually created a conversation.

"Are you going?" My mother's eyes consciously looked at me.

"I-I don't know. I don't think I should." I rubbed the back of my stiff neck. One of the pleasures of sleeping in a chair.

"I think you should. It would be healthy for you to go out for a few hours." My Mom supported.

"Are you sure? What about-"

"Everything will be fine here. Go home. Shower, get dressed, and be ready when he picks you up."

So I did. I showered and washed my hair with apple scented shampoo and body wash.

I curled my hair and dressed in some of my favorite garments. A white frilly shirt with a coal black blouse and a pair of cute wedges. Finished with gold dangle brackets and just the right amount of makeup.