The First Cut is the Deepest

Chapter 11

--TIME LAPSE--

"It's been a month since Callie and I became friends.  And it's torture... not to kiss her when she's upset, or hold her hand at the movies.  I mean I'm happy that she's still a part of my life, even though it hurts at the same time." I pause before saying what I know everyone wants to hear, "My depression is at an all time low since Tim died, and I have Callie to thank for that."

"And how long ago did Tim die?"

I sigh, "Almost 7 years."

The group claps, and I blush.  I don't really understand the point of group therapy.  Teddy and Maura made me promise to go once a week.  Even though I'm happy, they're scared about how long it will last, and feel that I should be with people who know "exactly what I'm going through."  But the thing is they don't know exactly what I'm going through.  No one does.  And the only person that can help is Callie.  So, really I'm wasting an hour and a half a week.  But it does help Teddy and Maura, so I guess it's not completely wasted..

"And has any new stress came into your life recently?"

"Um.  Not really.  I mean I started my Sophomore year of college last week.  But nothing stressful."

The meeting goes on and on, for what seems like forever.  When its over I quickly leave before anyone can ask me anymore questions, I hate talking about my issues.  I'm almost to my car when I hear the voice I've been wishing to hear for days.

"ZO!"  she calls as she walks towards me.

"Calliope."  I smile when she finally gets to where I'm standing.

"Hey.  So, I've been thinking."

"Oh no. This can't be good." I tease.

"Shut up."  she laughs and lightly pushes me.  I over exaggerate and pretend to fall, causing Callie to grab my wrists and pull me towards her.  We're only a few inches apart, and i can feel her breath on my neck.  My heart races and before I can even think about stopping myself I'm kissing her.  She drops my wrists and my hands instantly find themselves around her waist.   I can feel her hands in my hair pulling me closer.  'Oh. My. God. What am I doing?' 'Um. making out with Callie, da fuq you think you're doing?' 'But were just friends.  Friends don't make out in parking lots.' I argue with myself.  Finally i push away from Callie and can see hurt in her gorgeous eyes, "I.. Um..  Sorry.  I didn't mean for that to happen."  I start to stare intensely at the ground, tears filling my eyes. 'Damn it Arizona. You probably just fucked everything up!'

"Zo, it's fine." she says lifting my chin, to meet her gaze. Her face turns to shock when she see's the tears in my eyes.  She begins to wipe them away and asks, "Hun, why are you crying?" 

"I just.." I stop.

"Arizona, what's wrong?"

"God damn it Calliope!  I am in love with you! I have been for so fucking long!  And I'm scared that I'm gonna mess up, or do something wrong and you aren't gonna wanna be in my life anymore!  And I wouldn't be able to blame you because 1) I love you and 2) my life is so fucked up that I don't even wanna be a part of it, so why would anyone chose to be in it.  And then I kissed you and when i backed out, because friends don't make out in parking lots, you looked hurt and i don't know why but I'm afraid that I messed up and you're gonna leave and...and...and I would die without you! So you can't leave, please don't leave."  By the time I finish, I'm sobbing on Callie's shoulder.

I feel Callie's protective arms wrap around me, but they don't do anything to calm me this time.  When I stop crying, she pushes me back and looks deeply into my eyes, as if trying to read my soul.  "Arizona,"

"What?"

"I love you too.  And I'm not going anywhere.  I came today to see if you wanted to go to dinner tonight, so we could talk about this there, but..."

I giggle.

"Ha.ha. You sure know how to ruin romantic plans don't you?" she jokes, causing me to laugh harder.  She sighs before continuing, "So dinner, 7 pm tonight?"

"Hm... Sounds great." I smile.

Callie laughs as she leans in, kissing both of my dimples before placing a kiss on my lips, but when i go to deepen the kiss she pulls back.  "Friends don't make out in parking lots, remember?" She smirks and starts to walk away. "I'll see you at 7 Hun. Dress nice."  She winks and leaves.

I sigh, and lean back against my car.  'God I love her.'